Kenzi -- My Crying Pal

It is interesting to watch each of the kids as they deal with our "new reality" and their very inactive, limping mom. Kenzi of course, is being sweet and sensitive little Kenzi.

Every night Dave has to give me a shot in my stomach -- and well... I'll admit that I have shed a tear or two.  Kenzi always leaves the room and won't come back in for a few minutes.  She came in last night after the shot with tears in her eyes and told me how sad it makes her to see me cry.  My heart aches for her that she has to watch this.

I know that this time in our lives will have bittersweet memories for all of us.  I remember going to Dr. appointments, chemos and some really bad treatments when my mom had cancer.  At one horrible treatment called the "rock and roll" it was all I could to not completely lose it in front of her.  I remember feeling so sad when she was in so much pain.  But I wouldn't trade any of it.  I wouldn't trade spending that time with her, hurting with her and hopefully helping to ease a little of what she was feeling.   Kenzi and I talked a little about this and how it has to be even harder for her to be 12... I was an adult when I did all of that.

At breakfast this morning Makenzie in her sweet way asked me if I was sad I am going to lose my hair.  We talked about even though it is just hair, all girls want to feel beautiful and feel good about themselves and unfortunately looking at myself in the mirror is a part of how I feel about myself -- so I guess the short answer is yes.  But I told her I'd rather lose my hair than my life and if losing my hair will help save my life bring it on.  I looked over at her and tears were running down her cheeks... mine too.

I wish I could say this will be the past few weeks will be the last times we will cry together, but I'm afraid it will be the first of many. Kenzi is already such a sweet and compassionate little thing, and I believe in the long run it will just refine that gift she has.

Love this picture of her with this super gross snake around her neck.

On the flight to San Juan and the Christmas crurise baby... wow I look pretty good there huh and that was before I came home tan!  Weird to think my ovaries were full of cancer that whole time and  I had no idea.  So glad we went on that cruise though.

A Kenzi favorite... such a random funny picture.  Kenzi when she was in Power in His Touch and a picture of she and Danny who played the Savior.  She was so little then.

And I had to include a Kenzi head shot.  Most of my phone and 1/2 of my camera are filled with Kenzi head shots.  She is a darling girl, but man can she do some scary looking photos of herself!

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