Rookie of the Year

Tonight ended Lolo's freshman year of soccer -- one word PERFECT.  It is going to be pretty hard for her to have a better experience for the next 3 years.  Great season!  Made it to the finals at Rio Tinto and only lost 1-0 against the team that has made it or won the finals the past 4 years, 2nd Place in the State, wonderful friends, starting as a freshman and social activities galore!  And the best part, despite her chaotic and busy schedule 

She was given the coaches Rookie of the Year Award at the banquet!  

Super proud of her -- she worked so hard.  A few last pictures... not sure why some of these came in so small.

Rio Tinto -- Player Introduction

Lauren and her friend from her club team fighting -- the other girl got a foul.

Pre-game prayer and coach spraying holy water on the starters  "boots."

Halloween Dinner

Purple Hair, Bloody Scars -- It Must Be Halloween

I can't decide if Halloween is fun -- or creepy.  It gives people a chance to be what they secretly would like to be -- which in some cases is pretty creepy.  Although it is not yet Halloween, we've had a week of fun activities from parties to haunted houses... it is just strange to see someone running around with a chain saw.

At our 1st Annual Wall Family Halloween party I got to sport my first "real do" since chemo, and then I wore it again to our Stake YM/YW Special Needs Halloween Carnival.  I'm not quite ready to wear my super short hair cut "out and about" but when I dye it purple and wear it as a part of a Halloween costume it looks pretty cool.

Thanks for Toph even though Dave was sick we enjoyed him anyway and Doug made a great Grandpa.  Yes -- they took home the grand prize.  Yummy food, donuts on a string, mummy contests and more.    

Last night Kenzi and a few of her friends were "creepy children" at a spook alley at the Bountiful High Halloween Dance -- and they loved their bloody scars and loved the chance to creep people out in the graveyard.

We have a cop and a robber. A nickel back (as opposed to Nickel Back) a quarter back, a buck-an-ear (ha ha ha), a pair of blue genes/jeans, an owl, super lighting man, Waldo, green grapes, purple grapes, black-eyed pears, a turkey, Hester Prynne, Grandpa IVon and Uncle Dave.

The Black-Eyed Peas

Vance Cook -- great sport who let me dye his hair purple too!

Even Lyla loved the donut eating contest.

Lorie, Karen and Gavin as mummies.

Terri's super cute mummies.

Toph as Dave -- creepy how much he looked and acted like him.

Funny how much he looked at acted like him.

I

Clinical Trial -- Round 1 -- So far, pretty good

I had my first round of the clinical trial drug -- Xyotax 2 weeks ago today and went for my Nadir check-up and blood test this morning.

Results:

1.  I love the fact that the Xyotax itself only took 15 minutes to administer vs. 3 hours Taxol used to take.  Still have to take a few pre-drugs, and I hate the steroid high for a few days after, but not too bad.

2.  I love the fact that so far my hair isn't falling out.  In the past 14 days after a treatment my hair would fall out.  This morning I pulled and pulled and pulled on my ever growing head of hair and nothing came out.  Keeping my fingers crossed.

3.  Nausea and fatigue -- still here, but not as bad.  My first rounds of chemo hit me hard day 3-10.  Although I was able to be up and around, I spent a good chunk of that time in bed and resting.  I have been tired and I have been nauseated, but nothing to keep me in bed.   Most days I've taken a short nap, but not everyday and not anything like I used to.  Although by the time I hit the bed at night, I am wasted and ache all over.

And I've been able to keep eating my "new and improved eating plan" despite the nausea.  Lisa and I are discovering new green smoothie combinations every day and generally have at least one conversation about a new oil or seed or veggie we need to add, and my kids seems to be getting used to and eating more of the veggies I'm surrounding them with.  And believe it or not, no or very little sugar is not too bad.  I did partake of a Becky Murri oatmeal chocolate chip cookie at a meeting, and had a couple bites of a cinnamon sugar bagel, but I'm surprised at how well I'm doing cutting out most sugar.

4.  Nueropathy and Feet problems.  Unfortunately I had very little of this before and it seems to be a bit of a problem now.  Tingling, numbness, swelling and pain.  Don't want to complain, but not sure I'll be able to do the full dosage for the entire 12 rounds.

5. Platelets and Red Blood seemed to have held up, but my white count is hammered.  Super low and have to be careful of infections.  Surprisingly though so far I have not been hit with Lauren's sore throat and cold she had last week, or the stomach flu she had Monday.  Maybe I'm just used to her germs.

6.  Exercise.  Although I can feel the affects of chemo vs. the 7 weeks when I hadn't had any chemo, I have been able to exercise.  I've been walking, going to the gym, lifting weights (well really light weights) and have gone on a couple of bike rides.

Overall I shouldn't complain, but I do anyway!  Just pray this stuff is doing my body some good -- trying to have faith that I did the right thing and am going to enjoy a long slow dance with NED.

What makes me the happiest?

There are lots of things that make me happy -- I won't use this post to list them all.  But I think one of the most fulfilling things in my life is watching my kids be happy, and watching them succeed -- especially if there is a little adversity involved.

We were discussing plays, musicals, sports, etc. the other night and one of the kids asked Dave what he likes to watch.  His answer "My favorite thing to watch is whatever activity my kids are participating in."  So very true for me too.

Last Saturday Cam had  "Pick for 6" in his flag football game.  He was soooo excited.  Just watching his face as he ran over to the sidelines was priceless -- listening  him tell Dave about it after was even better.

Kenzi did some recording tryouts for some choir things last week.  Listening to her angel voice is the most relaxing, peaceful thing for me.

And as of last night, Lauren and the Bountiful Braves are going to the State playoffs.  They were the underdogs and there defense had been kind of "slammed" in some of the pre-game stuff.  So to watch them win, and dominate, was so exciting!

What made it even better for me was Lauren.  Sunday night she started barfing and threw up about 10 times on Monday.  Monday evening she had a fever and ached all over.  Dave kept telling her about Michael Jordan and how he defeated the Jazz with the stomach flu.  He kept giving her pep talks and told her regardless of how she felt she needed to go out and play and help her team.   Tuesday morning her fever was gone and she was no longer throwing up, but she had a headache and didn't feel good.  But she went to school, she played soccer and she was awesome.  She and the other defenders almost completely shut down the "amazingly fast" Skyline defenders.

I love that she worked so hard all summer and it payed off.  I love that she has worked so hard all fall, has been trying to eat healthy and despite a super busy schedule has done well in school.    I love that she had the flu, that she fought through it and found success.  I know it won't always work out that way, but for today I am so grateful!!

So Friday night at Rio Tinto, watching Jana and Lauren do their best, you'll find one happy mom/aunt!!!

Some thoughts on hair... I don't mind not having it, but don't love being bald

If you could see me now (well maybe not right now since it is 2:32 am and I am in my PJs... wonder if I will ever sleep through the night again) you'd be amazed at how much hair I have.   And my eyebrows.  Wow!  They are coming back in super thick and fast.

Although I'm not loving the color or texture (it feels so chemically and icky), it is super fun to watch it grow back and start to imagine what kind of hairstyle I might have in a few months.  Dave thinks I should stop wearing hats now -- kids not quite so ready for that.

I have to admit, I really don't mind not having hair.  I can get ready to go anywhere in 2 minutes.  I really do like the look of scarfs and hats.  The wind and a nice breeze feels really cool on my bare head.

I just don't like the attention that being "a bald woman" brings.

Everyone has problems.  Everyone has trials.  Lots of people are struggling.  Unfortunately or fortunately for most people we don't know what that trial or struggle is.  As I walk through the grocery store I don't know immediately that the person walking toward me is going through a divorce, or the guy next to me just lost his job, or that the little girl has diabetes.  But everyone knows I have cancer.  (Well everyone but some of Kenzi's friends apparently.  She told me today one of her friends asked her at school why I always wear scarfs.)

Oddly enough the place I feel like I stand out the most is the temple.  I've been going with my dad every week since school started and I'm the only woman I've ever seen wear a turbin/scarf in the temple.  Maybe I've seen it before and just never noticed, but I sure attract attention there.  I'm already super emotional when I go there now, the spirit is so strong and almost overwhelming sometimes.

I know people don't have any unkind intentions with all of the stares at the temple or any place else.  And I hope it doesn't sound like I'm complaining.  I realize I couldn't have gotten a wig and avoided the very public side of cancer.  It is just that I get lots of double takes.  Lots of sweet smiles.  Lots of sympathy glances.   I can't wait to be the person that blends in again.

When I was at the temple a few weeks ago there was a blind man and a handsome young man in a wheel chair in my session.  As I watched them I realized that in a few months I will no longer be the person that everyone knows has cancer, but that these other two people will always have a very public trial.

Makenzie has said to me several times that me being sick -- and especially being bald -- has made her more aware of people that are different "on the outside" and have more empathy for them.

I hope that I have learned this as well.  I hope I am more accepting and aware.

And as I think about it -- I guess I can also be grateful for the "public ness" of this particular trial.  Many times aches and pains are so personal and private that no one has any idea of what you are facing and I have certainly not had to go through this trial alone.  So I guess I really am grateful for being bald and for all of the love and kindness people have shown me because of it.

Love Dr. Z!! One of my blessings.

Read an article this morning about the most important treatment for Ovarian Cancer is the radical surgery (debulking).  This gives me great hope.  I feel like I was in the hands of an amazing Dr. Zempolich.

Due to complications my chemo didn't go all that great ... and it has been very hard for me to know that.  But when I read articles like this I am feel hopeful.

When I was first diagnosed and my sweet Dr. Brown pulled Dr. Zempolich out of surgery to talk to her and set up an appointment for me, I felt like I was in great hands.  I know it was a little tender mercy I got into Dr. Brown that day, and I felt like I had been led to Dr. Z.  

As I talked to people and found out more about her this was just confirmed.  She is one of the best of the best and has amazing people skills and is so very kind to her patients.  Just what I need!

At her clinic they do outreach for small communities that don't have surgical gynecological oncologists to do the Ovarian Cancer surgery -- she goes to Idaho once a month to treat patients there.

So for today I am reminded of the huge blessing I had that started this whole (icky, but full of blessings too) journey.