Found out I have Graves Disease and my Dr. wants to kill my thryoid. Basically my thryoid is working at twice (or more) as fast as it should be. Generally Graves is genetic, but no one in my family has it. So...it appears that it was trauma induced... I'm guessing it was the surgery, infection, losing 30 pounds and everything else that happened last February and March. (Or who knows maybe I've had this for a long time. I've had a high metabolism and fertility issues and thryoid can cause that.)
But I'm not willing to kill my thryoid right now. I just feel like my body has been through so much this year that I just need to let it heal. Not sure what my chemo doc will say as to whether or not I should drop out of the clinical trial.
I know it sounds lame -- Graves disease is a treatable thing and not usually life threatening.... but when I got online to read my results I cried. And I just can't shake this sad feeling!
My New Year's Wish -- I JUST WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK!!! MY OLD HEALTH BACK!!!
I followed the Word of Wisdom my whole life and have always taken care of myself and this is what I get? (I know that is silly. Little kids get horrible illnesses all of the time and it is nothing they have done. I just am feeling a little sorry for myself this weekend.)
I have been trying so hard to focus on not dying and not having a recurrence ... and honestly I feel like I have been doing such a good job of this. But this new little twist in the road has reminded me how I am not in control and makes me feel like my body is not strong and healthy right now. It makes me feel vulnerable and I worry that my body won't fight off any cancer cells that may be lurking.
I know I have much to be grateful for and honestly and I am just happy to be here this New Year's. And my true New Year's wish is that I will be around for a lot more New Year's Eves... enough that my kids will be much older than they are now.
But for now I'll enjoy a snowy New Year's with my family, eating, tubing, playing games and just being together.
Love this quote my niece Bethany posted on facebook tonight.
Brothers and sisters, no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it. -Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
A good thing about Hyperthyroid...
Trying to find the bright side of things...
A good thing about hyperthyroid -- I wore a skirt to church Sunday that I haven't been able to zip up for quite some time.
Ok... so I would trade the skirt to get rid of the swollen ankles that gross Lauren out (she gives me socks to wear so she doesn't have to look at them), the rapid heartbeat (had to find a couch to sit on while shopping the other day cause I could hardly breath), and the shaky hands (again... this drives Lauren nuts too.)
I saw the Endocrinologist and I have either Graves disease or drug induced hyperthyroid. Unfortunately I can't do the thyroid intake test until December 26th because I take a multi-vitamin so I had to wait 2 weeks from then. No multi-vitamin or shell fish until the test. Too much iodine.
Depending on the result, the Endo doc and my chemo doc will give me their opinion as to whether or not I stay on the clinical trial. So no chemo until at least January 8th. Yay!!!!!!!
My chemo doc called and told me she thinks that perhaps I have had this for a while and that many of the symptoms we thought were chemo were actually hyperthyroid. (I did feel vindicated since she told me I needed to do more cardio when I told her about my rapid heart rate and she said my ankles weren't really swollen when I could hardly seen them.)
The Endo doc thinks it is likely drug induced, the chemo doc thinks it isn't, and I think it was trauma induced after surgery and 1st chemo.
We'll see next week!
In the meantime I'm loving the holidays and the beautiful music and feeling in the air... and my totally ripped apart house. Remind me again why we thought it was a good time to do remodeling?
And I'm happy to have the energy to be running around enjoying Christmas.
A good thing about hyperthyroid -- I wore a skirt to church Sunday that I haven't been able to zip up for quite some time.
Ok... so I would trade the skirt to get rid of the swollen ankles that gross Lauren out (she gives me socks to wear so she doesn't have to look at them), the rapid heartbeat (had to find a couch to sit on while shopping the other day cause I could hardly breath), and the shaky hands (again... this drives Lauren nuts too.)
I saw the Endocrinologist and I have either Graves disease or drug induced hyperthyroid. Unfortunately I can't do the thyroid intake test until December 26th because I take a multi-vitamin so I had to wait 2 weeks from then. No multi-vitamin or shell fish until the test. Too much iodine.
Depending on the result, the Endo doc and my chemo doc will give me their opinion as to whether or not I stay on the clinical trial. So no chemo until at least January 8th. Yay!!!!!!!
My chemo doc called and told me she thinks that perhaps I have had this for a while and that many of the symptoms we thought were chemo were actually hyperthyroid. (I did feel vindicated since she told me I needed to do more cardio when I told her about my rapid heart rate and she said my ankles weren't really swollen when I could hardly seen them.)
The Endo doc thinks it is likely drug induced, the chemo doc thinks it isn't, and I think it was trauma induced after surgery and 1st chemo.
We'll see next week!
In the meantime I'm loving the holidays and the beautiful music and feeling in the air... and my totally ripped apart house. Remind me again why we thought it was a good time to do remodeling?
And I'm happy to have the energy to be running around enjoying Christmas.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
"The Girl has Spunk!"
Every since she was little Kenzi has been well... Kenzi. She is very creative, resourceful and determined. If she really wants something... she is relentless about getting it. (Honestly she can drive me crazy sometimes.) She can fix anything. I always tell her she will never be homeless because she just has the persistence to do anything she puts her mind to. In the past year she has taught herself the guitar and ukulele. She spent hour after hour up in her room practicing and learning. Five years ago Dave's laptop broke. She found it a year ago and she asked if she paid for it if we could get it fixed. Long story... but she finally found the cord, left me sweet notes about fixing it, and asked me every single day -- it now works!!!
Kenzi showed me again just how as Katie Jones said "spunky" she is.
I know.... I didn't know she played basketball either.
A few weeks ago she came home and said she was going to try out for basketball. Dave and I smiled and thought good for her. Honestly in my mind I thought there was no way she would ever make it. Great mom I am huh? I was just remembering back to her soccer days when she would ask her coach to take her out at halftime because she was tired.
But she got up every day for conditioning and every day came home more and more excited. She said she was hungrier, she decided she loved running -- she and her friend even planned to go jogging. This from the girl that 6 months ago would have said she is "not the athletic or sporty type."
She said to Dave on the first morning of conditioning "I am only trying out for fun and the exercise." Dave told her she should never go into something expecting failure. If she was going to try out she needed to try out to make it.
At the end of conditioning she told me she really thought she had a chance of making it.
So when they announced her name yesterday she was ecstatic! Grandpa helped her celebrate with a dinner at Cafe Rio.
And she was off to her 1st practice at 5:30 am this morning.
The only disappointing part is that her best friend didn't make it. She has made the 1st cut, but didn't make the final team. My girls reminded me of my "not making cheerleader when my friend did" -- these valuable lessons are hard to learn.
Kenzi -- good job! Proud of you! Can't wait to see you play! And as Katie says "You have spunk."
(And Kenzi is the queen of taking pictures of herself -- just throwing in a few of her funny ones.)
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Monday, December 3, 2012
It's All Relative ... Did Cancer Cause this or did this Cause Cancer
After a very stressful 5 or 6 days -- worried that I was having a recurrence -- I went to the Dr. today for blood tests and a thyroid ultrasound. It appears that I may have a hyperthyroid.
I will be making an appointment with an endocronologist tomorrow. Just what I wanted, another specialist in my life.
Funny -- a year ago if you had told me I had Graves Disease or something that was causing hyperthyroid I would have been so stressed. Now as I read about it, treatments, etc., it feels like just another day in the life of Stephanie. Part of me is pretty mad. Do I really need another illness to deal with? Where is the justice when I've taken such good care of myself my whole life? Have I always had this and did this cause my ovarian cancer -- or vise versa?
But in comes perspective. It isn't thyroid cancer. It isn't probably a recurrence of Ovarian cancer. And so I can deal with it. I can handle it and the good news is -- making my shaking hands and racing heart will soon disappear.
Interesting article... http://thyroid.about.com/od/hormonepregnantmenopause1/l/aa033100a.htm.
Makes me wonder.
I will be making an appointment with an endocronologist tomorrow. Just what I wanted, another specialist in my life.
Funny -- a year ago if you had told me I had Graves Disease or something that was causing hyperthyroid I would have been so stressed. Now as I read about it, treatments, etc., it feels like just another day in the life of Stephanie. Part of me is pretty mad. Do I really need another illness to deal with? Where is the justice when I've taken such good care of myself my whole life? Have I always had this and did this cause my ovarian cancer -- or vise versa?
But in comes perspective. It isn't thyroid cancer. It isn't probably a recurrence of Ovarian cancer. And so I can deal with it. I can handle it and the good news is -- making my shaking hands and racing heart will soon disappear.
Interesting article... http://thyroid.about.com/od/hormonepregnantmenopause1/l/aa033100a.htm.
Makes me wonder.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Can't Decide if I want to Grow more or not...
Let me preface this by being up front -- this has not been a great week for me emotionally. I've had some issues that have come up that while not alarming, are not particularly good. I realize I have only been dealing with this "stuff" for 10 months, but it is beginning to feel like a lifetime and this week I just want it to all be over.
I was joking with a friend, whose family is also going through a different but very hard and long term trial right now, that I am ok being mediocre. I realize trials are supposed to strengthen us and make us better, but this week I honestly feel like I'd be perfectly content exactly where I am currently. No more growth, no more refining -- mediocrity is ok with me.
Another friend and I were talking about trials and she told me about a great conference talk. I listened to it this morning. It is by Paul V. Johnson and was entitled "More Than Conquerors through Him That Loved Us."
The challenge for me this week if believing this and wanting this. My sweet sister invited me to the temple this week and one of my sweet friends has listened to me worry and complain over and over and over. I am blessed with so many good people in my life -- if I emotionally hold up through this latest rounds of stress it will be because of them.
Here are a few parts of the talk that really struck me... and my "is it ok to be happy with mediocre" feeling this week.
In the midst of problems, it is nearly impossible to see that the coming blessings far outweigh the pain, humiliation, or heartbreak we may be experiencing at the time. “No chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”13 The Apostle Paul taught, “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”14 It is interesting that Paul uses the term “light affliction.” This comes from a person who was beaten, stoned, shipwrecked, imprisoned, and who experienced many other trials.15 I doubt many of us would label our afflictions light. Yet in comparison to the blessings and growth we ultimately receive, both in this life and in eternity, our afflictions truly are light.
I was joking with a friend, whose family is also going through a different but very hard and long term trial right now, that I am ok being mediocre. I realize trials are supposed to strengthen us and make us better, but this week I honestly feel like I'd be perfectly content exactly where I am currently. No more growth, no more refining -- mediocrity is ok with me.
Another friend and I were talking about trials and she told me about a great conference talk. I listened to it this morning. It is by Paul V. Johnson and was entitled "More Than Conquerors through Him That Loved Us."
The challenge for me this week if believing this and wanting this. My sweet sister invited me to the temple this week and one of my sweet friends has listened to me worry and complain over and over and over. I am blessed with so many good people in my life -- if I emotionally hold up through this latest rounds of stress it will be because of them.
Here are a few parts of the talk that really struck me... and my "is it ok to be happy with mediocre" feeling this week.
At times it may seem that our trials are focused on areas of our lives and parts of our souls with which we seem least able to cope. Since personal growth is an intended outcome of these challenges, it should come as no surprise that the trials can be very personal—almost laser guided to our particular needs or weaknesses. And no one is exempt, especially not Saints striving to do what’s right. Some obedient Saints may ask, “Why me? I’m trying to be good! Why is the Lord allowing this to happen?” The furnace of affliction helps purify even the very best of Saints by burning away the dross in their lives and leaving behind pure gold.6 Even very rich ore needs refining to remove impurities. Being good is not enough. We want to become like the Savior, who learned as He suffered “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind.”7
In the midst of problems, it is nearly impossible to see that the coming blessings far outweigh the pain, humiliation, or heartbreak we may be experiencing at the time. “No chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”13 The Apostle Paul taught, “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”14 It is interesting that Paul uses the term “light affliction.” This comes from a person who was beaten, stoned, shipwrecked, imprisoned, and who experienced many other trials.15 I doubt many of us would label our afflictions light. Yet in comparison to the blessings and growth we ultimately receive, both in this life and in eternity, our afflictions truly are light.
Sometimes we want to have growth without challenges and to develop strength without any struggle. But growth cannot come by taking the easy way. We clearly understand that an athlete who resists rigorous training will never become a world-class athlete. We must be careful that we don’t resent the very things that help us put on the divine nature.
Not one of the trials and tribulations we face is beyond our limits,because we have access to help from the Lord. We can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us.16
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