Drum roll..... Dave's Summer Project!

Every summer Dave gets a creative bug and does a cool project in the yard.  We've enjoyed the tire swing, fire pit, swing set, hammock area and great landscaping.

This year his creativity sparked the day the great neighbors came and helped us clean up the rest of our tree mess.

In honor and memory of the huge, gorgeous trees we lost in December (sniffle... I still can't stand that they are gone) we have some great new fire pit benches.

He's adding sod behind it and we still need to find some chairs and a table, but here is a look at his new design.

Random Spring & Summer Pictures

Happy Father's Day Breakfast

Dad is a good cook and is crazy!

The Father's Day hammock didn't arrive on time but the kids all picked out a few things that reminded them of dad.  

Poor Zoe.

Zoe is Lolo's soccer partner.  They play soccer every night together.  She is really fast... both of them.

At the end of the school year Cameron started sleeping in his clothes so he didn't have to get dressed in the morning.
Really Cam -- shoes and everything?!?!?

Kenzi and Cameron spend a lot of time together.  When not with Cam or friends Kenzi is up in her room playing the guitar and Ukulele.  She is getting super good!

Cam's note to self -- don't let your sister Lauren use your face as a pallet for white out painting.  It looks funny but oh my goodness as Cam said "it hurts like heck to get if off."

Grandma's Grave

Chemo #4 -- Rejected Again!

I wasn't holding my breath thankfully -- but I got sent away from chemo again today.

Platelets were up a bit, but white blood had dropped and the infection fighting cells within the white blood count specifically had dropped too low.

I am getting shots every day this week to try to boost the white blood count ... and we try again next Monday.

She said the bone marrow just seems to have been very hammered with the chemo.  The IP chemo is less intrusive on bone marrow -- but they would have to wait 1-2 weeks to do the surgery to put it in, 2-3 weeks for it to heal and then just hope I didn't get an infection like before.

Oddly enough I feel good and I think I look healthy too.

Frustrating ... feels like I'm in a no win situation.

I'm sure I'm learning something and I'm sure there is a plan for all of this, but today I don't really have the emotional energy to put it into words.  So... I'll just get the shots, eat healthy all week and see what happens next week.

End of School 2012

Thanks to Dave taking over as mom and getting the kids up and out the door every morning for 4 months (he deserves father of the year award), and great friends who took the kids to and from school every day, somehow the Hess kids all survived the school year and did fabulous. 

Lolo ended up with a 4.0 -- and that was with a super hard Honors Science class that she had a B- in at midterm.  Kenzi had perfect grades and hardly any missing assignments, and Cam did great and aced all of his end of level testing. 

I really am amazed at how all 3 of them just kept on going and did so well in school and everything else they have been doing for the past 5 months!

T

Kaylee & Lauren -- where did the time go?  They were 5 and 9 when Kaylee moved in.

Kaylee Graduation Party

Cute Tess Morley

Cam Birthday Week -- Part 2: Pinewood Derby and Family Fun

Just now downloading the rest of the pictures that made Cam's 8th birthday week so great.  Visit with Uncle Scott complete with a Utah hat, pinewood derby building with dad and race day, and mom's donut cake (not nearly as cool as Becca cakes, but about all I was up to that week.) 

Just

Summer for an 8-year old ... doesn't get any better than this.

Cameron:  "This is the best summer of my life!"  

Apparently he is thoroughly enjoying himself this summer.  I love watching an 8-year old, who loves everything -- and is experiencing a lot of firsts.  Here are a few of the things that is making his summer so great. 

Baseball League Champions -- beat the undefeated Dodgers 2x in the tournament.  

(Although I kind of think the dads were more excited than the kids.  And Lauren was super jealous of the huge trophy.)

Centerville Kids Kamp -- PJ day, rockets, carnival, water day, sports day and more.  

(My girls did this camp and I had forgotten how much they loved it and I love it.)

Scout Camp -- Dinosaurs & Super Heros, Trading Post and Tons of Dirt

(Oh my ... heavens!  I've never seen him so dirty in my life or so excited to talk about the details.  He bought Indiana Jones whips at the trading store, loved every silly skit and just couldn't get enough of the two days.)

Swimming Lessons and Cherry Hill

(Finally has overcome his slight fear of the water and diving board.   Loving every minute of water this year.)

Playing outside until dark w/friends: sandbox, mud, robbers, wars, scooters &  more.

(There are 8 kids from 5 - 10 in the circle, with a few more younger and older, and summer nights in the cul-de-sac or someone's backyard is always entertaining.)

Hooray for me ... and my sisters and nieces and family ... no BRAC gene mutation!

Some good news on the Steph and Wall family cancer front... I got a call from my Dr. office yesterday and I don't have the BRAC gene mutation for hereditary breast and ovarian cancer ... and increased risks for pancreatic and prostate as well.


Due to my "young" age in getting Ovarian cancer and my mom's and brother's cancers, they did some genetic testing for a gene mutation that dramatically increases risks of Ovarian,  Breast, Pancreatic and Prostate cancers.


(Most cancers are "sporadic" which just occur by chance.  There is also "familial" which means there are genetic and environmental risks factors and you see multiple relatives with the cancer -- but no specific link to a gene.  And then there is "hereditary" which is when an altered gene is passed down through the family.  


In my case they were looking for a mutation in BRAC1 or BRAC2.  If I carried it my brothers and sisters and their children would have a 50% chance of carrying it.  (Boys can be the carrier of it too.)  So this was good news for all of us. 


From the genetic testing packet:



"Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer (HBOC) syndrome is an inherited condition that 

causes an increased risk for ovarian, breast, pancreatic and prostate cancer. The vast 

majority of hereditary breast and ovarian cancer is due to an alteration or gene mutation 

in either the BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes. These gene mutations can be inherited from either 

your mother or father.

Normally, the proteins produced by the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes prevent cells from becoming malignant by aiding in the repair of mutations in other genes through a process known as double-strained DNA repair.  Therefore, an inherited mutation in either of these genes, also known as tumor suppressor genes, greatly increases the probability of malignant transformation and cancer."

Example:  If you have this mutated gene a woman has an 87% chance of getting breast cancer and a 44% chance of Ovarian cancer by the age of 70.  (General population has an 8% chance of getting breast cancer and less than 1% chance of getting Ovarian Cancer.)   And it significantly increases the chance of recurring cancers. 

If you have it they will do increased screening and start at younger ages, have certain medications they would have you take or some people might even get a mastectomy and hysterectomy for prevention. 

I really thought my testing was going to come back positive and when it didn't cried for the 2nd time this week -- this time happy tears.   (And I have to apologize to my mom -- I thought for sure she had passed along this gene to me.)   I realize this doesn't mean that when I beat this thing I won't ever get breast cancer or have an ovarian recurrence... psychologically it just takes some worrying pressure off.

A small part of me was a little ticked -- knowing that not having this gene meant that I had a "less than 1% chance of getting ovarian cancer and yet lucky me got it.

But I won't dwell on that.  I'll dwell on the Yeah for no BRAC gene mutation and hoping that this means my nieces and sisters will not be at so high of risk for the nasty stuff mom and I were "lucky" enough to get.  

Chemo Round 4... Didn't Happen

So I was rejected at chemo yesterday ... no one likes rejection particularly when you have geared yourself up emotionally and physically for something you absolutely hate, but know you must do ... and then it doesn't  happen. 


(I love Roxanne's analogy -- it is like someone who is afraid of heights and water agrees to climb up to the high dive and jump off.  They reluctantly go up each stair, inch their way to the edge and just as they finally have the courage to jump they are told to go back across the board, down the stairs and come back next week to do it.)


My platelets were at 88 -- normal is 140-450.  (Platelets control blood clotting.)  At my mid-chemo nadir appointment 1 1/2 weeks ago they were at 222.  That is supposed to be the lowest point in your blood during the chemo cycle.  But for some reason mine hit almost rock bottom.


Ironically my white blood count was super low at the last appointment, but had been climbing back up and was within levels that they would have done chemo based on white blood.


Good thing I'm not a swearer or you would have heard a few bad words -- unfortunately I'm a cryer so the Dr. and nurses and everyone at the office had to watch me be mad and disappointed through tears.  They are all so sweet but what do you say to a teary woman who just got rejected from chemo?!


I JUST WANT TO GET THIS WHOLE THING OVER WITH.  I JUST WANT TO GET ALL OF THESE HORRIBLE POISONOUS CHEMICALS IN MY BODY TO KILL THE CANCER SO I AM DONE.   Is that too much to ask?


The frustrating part is that because of the IP infection I can no longer have the really strong chemo in my abdomen.  And now because of low platelets when they start again (hopefully on Monday) they will have to reduce the strength of the chemo. 


As my friend reminded me my body has always been super sensitive to medication -- so maybe it doesn't need as strong of chemo as they had started with.  Maybe the cancer cells are just fine being killed off with lower doses that are spread apart a little more.  Maybe with this I won't have some of the long term side affects that chemo often leaves.


I have 100% faith that Heavenly Father is control of all of this and that I need to trust Him.  Again (and again and again and again) I repeat this scripture in my head -- for all flesh is in mine ^ahands; be still and ^bknow that I am God.


So along with having trust I'm going to look at some positives:


1.  My cute niece Katie had agreed to set up an online dating profile to keep me entertained at chemo.  (She said she couldn't shave her head for me but the least she could do would be do entertain me for a day.)  Even though I didn't get the chemo we came home and set up her profile and laughed and had a great time going through the website.  


2.  The kids and Katie and I got to spend a few hours at the park having lunch and relaxing yesterday rather than me laying at chemo all day. 


3.  I am learning patience.


4.  I am learning to let go of the need for control and put things in Heavenly Father's hands.  I'm a bit of a control freak so this is a hard one for me. 


5. I am learning to just appreciate what is happening each day and not looking too far into the future worrying about what comes next.


6.  I am coming to appreciate the amazing human body and how lucky I have been to this point in my life to be so healthy.  


7.  The girls are going to Youth Conference this week and I had just planned that I would be sick with Cam for a few days.  Now he and I can go do a few fun things together. 


8.  I am learning to eat healthier food.  I'm really trying to eat lots of fruits and veggies and drink tons of water.  I'm finding that a bowl full of veggies as a snack is something I look forward to.  (I so hope this is one I can keep up after chemo, but realistically this will be one I'm sure I'll have some struggles keeping up on.)


9.  I feel good enough to make a yummy dessert for my fabulous dad who turns 85 today!!!

I Can Ride a Bike!

No this isn't a guest post from Livi -- who recently has mastered the "no training wheels" on the bike.  It is me, proudly announcing that I rode a bike today.

For my great grandchildren who read this 40 years from now ... (or at least I hope you are reading this since that is one of the primary reasons I do this blog -- someday when they are asked to share a story in YW about an ancestor who inspired them they can talk about "Grandma Hess and how tough she was when she had cancer")... it isn't that I just learned to ride a bike.

Two months ago -- and even two weeks ago -- the thoughts of sitting on a bike, being able to bend over without cringing and having enough stomach muscles to hold myself on the bike, would have been laughable.

But today when the kids decided to ride their bikes down to Cottles for Sunday dinner, I decided to join them. I thought they'd be so proud of me ... Lauren was actually more proud of me for finding a place to hold my cell phone when I didn't have pockets.

Before I make myself look too good I will admit we only rode one way -- 3 + miles all downhill or flat.  I called Grandpa and had him bring the truck because even in good health riding up 5th South or 4th North would have done me in.

But it feels great to be able to do normal things again -- not sure I'll be walking in the morning -- but tonight it feels pretty darn good!

Chemo #3 -- Not too bad. 3 more to go...

Its been almost two weeks since my last chemo, and "knock on wood" so far it has been the least hard on my body.  I had 4 or 5 days of bone pain and arthritis type pain, but nothing as intense as the last round.  I didn't even end up having to take any of my prescription pain medication.   I've been super tired and fatigued, but no nausea -- yeah!

I went to my nadir appointment (point in the chemo cycle when my white and red and platelet counts are the lowest) on Friday and yes I am definitely at a low.  My platelet and red are within chemo low, but my white is shot.  I think it was at 1.1 -- the lowest it has been before is 3.2.  But my CA 125 is still down (12 this time) and so it appears my body continues to respond to the chemo.

I was trying to narrow down with the Dr. what might be different this time than last time to make it a little better on my body.  Other than I have been trying to exercise more and drink tons of water there isn't anything different I've done.  I've found that on the nights my legs are really achy I feel better if I go for a walk, even a 5 minute walk.

I'm holding my breath now because this is supposed to be my good week.  The week my body starts to rebuild the blood and I get back to more normal levels before my next chemo.  Both of my last "good weeks" were the weeks I ended up with infections, open wounds and hospital stays.  Keep your fingers crossed and say a few extra prayers that I can finally have an uneventful down week!

Stay Strong!

At 6th grade graduation last week Kenzi's teacher told me to make sure we went out and saw the playground.  On Thursday at the end of field day Kenzi and her friends decorated the basketball courts in my honor.  


Here is just one of the messages!


This rotten cancer has had some sweet side effects -- I'm amazed at how many of my kids friends have given them so much love and encouragements and notes and prayers. 

I know there are also a lot of prayers from children of my friends that don't even know me.  I have definitely felt strength and hope and encouragement from so many!

Kenzi 6th Grade Graduation

The end of an era ... Kenzi is an official graduate of 6th grade.


Love the program they do at Valley View (a bit long) but the orchestra playing with YOU RAISE ME UP is pretty darn cool.  She was a little disappointed that I wasn't bawling at the end of her program.  I told her if I had started crying I would cry for the rest of the day and just couldn't start.


The weekend was full of parties... after graduation lunch with mom and friends, Friday afternoon bff girls only party, Friday night swimming party for the whole class, piano recital, Saturday afternoon swimming party for the whole class, Saturday night Oak Hills 6th grade party and Sunday afternoon graduation dinner for Kaylee.  Is it any wonder she is exhausted this week.


But she has done amazingly well for the past few years.  We spent much of 3rd and 4th grades trying to help her remember to get homework in ... oh the days of drama and tears of a page of missing assignments that were done and just not turned in.  This year I think she once or twice had a missing assignment.  She really has worked hard to learn to be more organized and even got the Academic All American Award!


She had just enough ups and downs during the past few years to give her good learning experiences ... about how to treat friends and the consequences of those who don't treat friends well, boys (learned a good lesson there that I won't share but glad she is learning now) and mostly about knowing what you can accomplish by working hard!