"When personal difficulties or world conditions beyond our control darken our path, the spiritually defining memories from our book of life are like luminous stones that help brighten the road ahead."
It made me think of a few of those moments in my life -- all very simple but very meaningful and important to me.
- The night before Beki Wale Wall died. I was in High School the fall Beki got very sick and was in the hospital, and we knew she wouldn't make it. One night I was at piano lessons with Mr. Eddings, and suddenly a huge wave of emotion came over me. I knew I had to leave, and I knew things weren't good -- I think it was the first time in my life that I ever had a feeling of emotion and of the Spirit like that. As soon as my lesson was over, I headed straight to the hospital. Things weren't good. Beki would soon be passing away. I remember going into the bathroom and in a stall just crying. My heart ached, and again for the first time in my life, I prayed in a pleading way. I wanted everything to be ok. I knew as I stood in there, crying that Heavenly Father knew me. He had let me know at piano what the situation was like at the hospital. I don't really know how to describe how I felt other than I knew He was aware of the sadness I was feeling for my brother and for Beki and everyone. And it helped just knowing He knew.
- BYU Hawaii. After my freshman year, I went to BYU Hawaii for Spring Term. It was fabulous! I loved it! I could write forever about it! Because I was taking Physical Science, Tennis, Surfing, and Hula I decided I should make a spiritual goal as well. I committed to reading the Book of Mormon while I was there for 2 months. I will never forget reading 3 Nephi in my bed one night. As I read about the Savior showing himself to the people, I felt peace and calm, and a warmth come over me. I knew it was true. I knew our Savior was real. I knew the Book of Mormon was testifying of him. I can't ever forget that or deny the testimony I received that night.
- After I'd been married about 1 year, I was sitting in the temple waiting to go into the Celestial room. I was just sitting there thinking -- nothing too spiritual or profound. Suddenly a thought popped into my head. "Stephanie, you aren't going to have children for a while." It startled me. I wasn't even thinking about kids at the moment. We weren't trying, but we weren't not trying. As we all know, Lauren was born almost 7 1/2 years after we got married. So many times during that period, I went back to that thought, and it gave me such comfort. Long before I was worried about not being able to start a family, Heavenly Father gave me that thought. He let me know it was all part of a plan. That I wasn't being ignored. Knowing (even though I didn't really understand) that Heavenly Father knew what was going to happen made the ups and downs and pains and concerns a little easier to deal with and made me know I was still cared for and was not forgotten.
- After being married about 2 years and not getting pregnant, I saw a Dr., and he gave me a fertility pill. The first month I took it, I got pregnant! Yay! This was going to be the best! I would be able to pick exactly when I would get pregnant, and the little bit of stress I was starting to feel was gone. I was pregnant and would be due March of the following year. I was so excited but so sick!!! I was nauseated 24/7. Ick!!! But knowing that it would result in what we had been waiting for made it ok. Even helped the fact that our Lake Powell trip that summer was a little rough with being sick and Dave not wanting me to ski or do much. That excitement all ended in August one night when I started spotting and ended up with a painful, long miscarriage. Physically I had no idea what was happening. I didn't realize I'd have labor pains and all of the physical trauma that went with it. After I finally had to have a DNC in the emergency room, I was physically and emotionally spent. And I was devastated! Terri was pregnant as well and due just a few weeks before me. I was so excited to be having a baby with a cousin the same age. I didn't also realize the hormones that would be raging inside of me. I went home and stayed with my parents for a few days so my mom could be with me. But sadness, loneliness, anger, and depression all started looming. I just wanted to cry all of the time. Finally, one evening I was alone in our apartment and so so sad. I can't explain it. I got on my knees and just prayed and prayed. I told Heavenly Father I couldn't feel like this anymore. As I was praying, a thought or voice or something came to my head and said: "Stephanie, I Love You!" A complete peace came over me. I knew that Heavenly Father and my Savior knew me. They knew my name. They knew my heart. They knew my pain. And somehow that changed everything for me. Again, it was ok that life was going as planned because I was loved and cared for a known!
- When my mom was in the hospital for about 3 weeks before she died, she was in a lot of pain. We knew she wasn't doing well, but I don't think I knew that she would die so quickly. We hadn't really talked about death yet. One night I was with her in her room, and she asked me to read to her from her scriptures. She was in Alma 40. I began reading, and it was so painful for me. It was talking about death. I didn't want to say the words out loud. I read Alma 40:11-12. It literally was breaking my heart to read these words
- 11 Now, concerning the astate of the soul between bdeath and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are ctaken dhome to that God who gave them life.
- 12 And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called bparadise, a state of rest, a state of cpeace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.
- But after I read those 2 verses, she asked me to reread them. So I reread them. And I think she asked me to read them one more time. As I read them to her, I could see a calm and comfort come over her. At that moment, she knew, and I knew she would be dying soon. But the peace of those words was amazing.. happiness, paradise, and peace. I believe those words gave her the courage to face what she was facing and helped remind her of the blessing she was about to receive. And it definitely helped me feel peace about where she was, that Heavenly Father knew we both needed to hear those words that night. And our Savior and our Heavenly Father were both very aware of both me and my mom. And once again I couldn't deny the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon.
- I'm not the best and listening and getting answers to prayers -- I guess I just don't listen well and know how to hear. It's always been a struggle for me. But every once in a while I do, and I LOVE IT! When I was in YW I learned that I would often receive answers early in the morning when I would wake up. If I had thoughts, I realized they were usually from the Spirit. But one of the most profound experiences I had of hearing an answer to prayer was so the most profound I had. When Kenzi and I were getting ready to go to France I kept all of our paperwork and passports together in a folder. I told her if we ever used them, we needed to put them right back. A few months before we left, Kenzi lost her license and needed to get a new one. We took her passport and other documents and put them in a big brown envelope and took them to get her license and then filed them away -- not remembering her passport was in there. The night before we were leaving for France, I went to get our passports so I could check us in on the plane. I opened the folder, and Kenzi's passport was gone. My stomach dropped, and I was sick to my stomach. No passport -- not travel. Kenz had run to the store, so I called her to ask if she knew where it was. I couldn't believe that after over a year of prep, we might not be going to France. Kenzi had no idea where it was, and we were both just devastated. I told her to quickly come home so we could look. After I hung up, I said a prayer. A totally clear picture popped in my head. I saw the envelope, I remembered taking it to Farmington to get Kenzi's license an I knew exactly where I had filed it away. I walked straight to the drawer, found the envelope, and got the passport. So many times since then, I remind myself that Heavenly and out Savior know us, They are there, they can help!
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