Spring Break.... Sometimes close to home is as great as far, far away!

Had a great spring break this year ... and we were close to home.

Spent a couple of days at home playing and hanging out with friends.  Then we headed to Park City in a condo (thanks to some wonderful friends).  It was a yurt style and Kenzi and Cameron thought it was the greatest thing ever.  It had a game room, pool and hot tub, and was right next to the ski resort.  We could walk to the park, Main Street and pretty much wherever.

On Friday night we headed to the cabin for conference, games, shooting (thanks Scott) and some cabin relaxation.

Kenzi said it was the best spring break ever!  Gosh, I think we need to do some of that stay around home stuff more often!

My thoughts on the Atonement and Cancer -- thanks to Sister Russell

My darling niece Sister Kerri Russell -- who makes everyone want to be a better person -- emailed me and asked me to give her my thoughts from the past year about the atonement.  Here is part of my letter back to her.  Just want my future Grandkids to know how I feel and the blessings I have recognized.

"Ok... so I've been thinking more about your questions.  I gave a YW lesson a few months ago about the Atonement.  It was the Sunday after one of my breast cancer friends died.  She is my age and our kids range in the same age so it kind of "rocked my world" to be at her funeral and see her family.

But my favorite part of the lesson was a talk from Linda K Burton.  https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-relief-society-meeting/2012/09/is-faith-in-the-atonement-of-jesus-christ-written-in-our-hearts?lang=eng

Principle 1: “All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”⁵

Principle 1 just struck me regarding the Atonement and how it can help me.  I really am at peace with what may or may not happen with my cancer.  I trust Heavenly Father's timing and know this life is just a blip in my map of eternal life.  But, it will be really crappy for my kids if I don't beat this thing.  How can not having a mom be better than having a mom?  When I study the concept of Principle 1 I know that the atonement can compensate for this.    It can heal a situation like Elizabeth Smart.  It can help my friend's kids who just lost their mom.  It can help a woman whose husband has treated her poorly.  It doesn't change the outcome here and now, but it can heal hearts and compensate so that it is all fair.  I know that through the Atonement everything will be as it should be.

Principle 2:  This is what I usually think about with the atonement -- sins, imperfection, weaknesses.   I won't go into that now. 

Principle 2: There is power in the Atonement to enable us to overcome the natural man or woman and become true disciples of Jesus Christ.⁹

Principle 3:  I have felt an overwhelming love during this past year.  Interesting enough, it hasn't been a direct spirit from Heavenly Father, but it was been through the complete and total "gobs" of love and service I felt from you, our family, my neighbors, strangers, Drs, nurses and everyone who has done big and simple things for me.  I have a story (I'll send you later) that happened this week that illustrates this perfectly.  When all of these things have happened  I have felt it is just the Savior reaching out to me through others.  Just as He would want them to.  

Also, when I have been in the temple (when I was really sick) the spirit was so strong I could hardly breath.  I almost didn't like being there.  I told Dave one day in the Celestial room either I was going to die so I was really close to the veil, or Heavenly Father was pouring His spirit out on me to help compensate for what I was going through and to give me strength.  Since I am still here I guess it is the latter.  As I said, it was even hard for me to breath sometimes.  I can't image what being directly in Heavenly Father and our Savior's presence will be like if that is just a glimpse of how it felt.  So much love that just engulfed me.  So much of a feeling of nothing else matters.  It is funny, because now I am feeling better I don't get that.  I was at the temple yesterday and definitely felt the spirit, but in a different way. 

Principle 3: The Atonement is the greatest evidence we have of the Father’s love for His children.

So... that is my thoughts for this week.  I have one more to share.  I'll send it next week cause this one is so long."

Love you!  Steph

Sister Bauer ... MTC!

Had a chance to take my "niece" Jacquelyn to the MTC a few weeks ago.  (Ok... so maybe not my niece, but her mom Nat has been my lifelong BFF... probably the first friend I remember... and my kids called them their cousins and I don't know what I would have done through school and YW and BYU and boyfriends and life without Nat).

Jacquelyn is amazing and it was so exciting to be a part of it.  They live in DC she flew in the morning of her scheduled time.  Cam and Kenzi and I picked her up, made a quick trip to In-N-Out Burger (a tradition with us) and headed to Provo. 

Loved seeing the line of cars entering the MTC, love seeing the petrified missionary faces, loved seeing the weepy family members, loved the guy that told us "you have 2 1/2 minutes to get her luggage out, take a picture and say goodbye."  Loved the spirit and everything about it.

Long Beach is one lucky mission!!!!

Love the YW!

Had a couple of fun activities I remembered to take pictures of ... candle making with Kim Rew.  Super cool.  And cupcake wars!  The girls loved it and we were so super impressed with the outcomes.

I love, love, love being in YW with my girls ... I keep thinking one of these years I would get burned out, but I love the energy, the testimonies, and the learning that goes on here!

I Just Can't Go There...

One of my biggest struggles with cancer (now that I'm not half dead from chemo, infected ports and barfing 24-hours a day) is the emotional "stuff."

Last September I really struggled with this.  Post chemo -- doing nothing just felt like I was waiting for the cancer to come back.  I had been warned this might happened, but I didn't know how to deal with it.  Poor Lisa had to scrape me off the sidewalk each morning after we walked and I sobbed about the worry of it coming back and leaving my kids without a mom.

Eventually with lots of walks, great friends and family and hubby who let me talk and talk about it and a whole lot of prayer I was able to start living life again.  I just had to pray that that sadness for my kids would be taken away from my heart -- that I could deal with this for me -- but I couldn't carry the sadness I feel for them.

I told Dave if I live 20 years I don't want to look back and find that they were consumed with worry and fear and sadness for my kids.  And if I live 2 years I don't want those years to be consumed with worry and fear and sadness for my kids.  

And honestly, for the most part I have done a really good job of staying optimistic.  Every once in a while it creeps up on me and I really have to work at not "going to that dark place" again. 

This week it has started to creep up on me.  It started with a discussion with my aunt about my mom and remembering that my mom's remission lasted about 4 years.  4 years and then 2 years later she died.  Six years total.  Six years.  That isn't enough for me.  Then of course every ache and pain I feel starts to get me worried and on and on.

But I read a quote from the book "Killing Lincoln" that really struck me.

Lincoln said when some of his close associates were worried about him getting assassinated basically that a person can only die once, but if that person spends everyday thinking about it and worrying about it, he has died everyday. 

Every time I start to "go there" I try to remember that.  Whatever happens to me is going to happen to me and my family.  But if I live a potentially sad situation in my heart over and over, it has happened to me every day.

I also read a great thought from my cousin's son in his missionary letter.  I loved the line "Earth has no sorry that heav'n cannot heal."  I am so grateful for this knowledge.  There isn't an ounce of my sorrow or pain that can't be healed and I have definitely felt those healing affects this past year. 

****************************************************************

Part of Elder Perkins letter.

My spiritual morsel this week comes from a hymn I've appreciated before, we sung it this Sunday. I love the lyrics, it says:

 

Come, ye disconsolate, where e'er ye languish;

Come to the mercy seat, fervently kneel.

Here bring your wounded hearts; here tell your anguish.

Earth has no sorrow that heav'n cannot heal.

 

Earth has no sorrow that heav'n cannot heal.

 

"Come, ye Disconsolate" Hymn 115

 

All of us are wounded at one point or another as we make our way through mortality. No matter the injury or burden, through Christ we can be healed and strengthened. I know that that is true. An investigator we're teaching is really worried about her kids she lost in court, another is troubled by the mistakes of her past, someone I know is hurt by the lose of a parent, and another by the lose of a best friend and a future. The Savior has felt all our pains, He truly understands. He can turn us and change us. We can be happy despite our circumstances and past experiences. May we all turn to Him whether in troubled times or not. He lives. This is His Gospel and His church! 

Cam the Man... 9!

Great bday for Cam... Fun day at school, picture with Mr. Cassler, party with friends. Unfortunately cam got sick at the very end of his party and came home and slept for 3 hours. By 10pm he started feeling better and wanted to open his presents.

Run...

Track season again ... Lolo decided to try shorter runs this year. 400 200 and some medleys. So far she had taken 1st and 2nd, they dominated in the 4 x 400 and she was the fastest in her 200 by of their medley. Hopefully I'll have some good south end times!

Happy B Day... Love you!

Love this little man!

Raingutter regatta... And moving on up!

Cam enjoyed his 1st Raingutter regatta at Scouts... Much more low key than pinewood derby ... And took 4th place.

He also moved on to become a Bear. He has loved Scouts and had great leaders!