Honestly....bloating (I look 7months pregnant), nausea that is being controlled with meds and super tired. Feel like I ate two huge thanksgiving dinners days ago and no matter what I do I can't un full. And I'm super tired.
Nice kenz and cam rubbed my feet and cam held my hand until I fell asleep.
Supposed to est and drink ....I'm doing a little...but feels impossible this bloated.
The sun is out thou I can hear birds chirping. I also know what Lolo feels like when she get 20 20 minute hiccup attach ....not fun but hopefully moving thing around.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Chemo 2...stomach bloating about to begin and a though about inward and outward trials
Sitting here waiting for round 2 bloating. I got all of the pre meds including a nausea drug that lasts for 4 to 5 days. Other than some foot swelling and headache I felt good last night. Great appetite and I went for a walk with Cam. I'm anticipating a different story tonight, but so grateful for yesterday.
As always I was overwhelmed with love and kindness yesterday. As I was laying in bed last night feeling so grateful for so much love, I started thinking of some friends and family members that are going through private emotional trials. They carry an equal, if not heavier burden, and yet they do it on their own. I know there have been times in my life with private issues and problems where I felt the weight of the world in my heart. This trial scares me, makes me feel crappy and like a bad mom, but I feel like most of the weight is being shouldered by those around me. I wish there was a way for me to transfer some of the strength I'm receiving from others to them.
Holding up the "I have cancer" sign in some ways makes it easier than quietly trying to face an issue internally.
I wish I knew a way to help take away emotional pain and heart ache I know they are feeling. I just really hope at some point to become someone that can know little ways to touch those
dealing with "non outward" issues.
As always I was overwhelmed with love and kindness yesterday. As I was laying in bed last night feeling so grateful for so much love, I started thinking of some friends and family members that are going through private emotional trials. They carry an equal, if not heavier burden, and yet they do it on their own. I know there have been times in my life with private issues and problems where I felt the weight of the world in my heart. This trial scares me, makes me feel crappy and like a bad mom, but I feel like most of the weight is being shouldered by those around me. I wish there was a way for me to transfer some of the strength I'm receiving from others to them.
Holding up the "I have cancer" sign in some ways makes it easier than quietly trying to face an issue internally.
I wish I knew a way to help take away emotional pain and heart ache I know they are feeling. I just really hope at some point to become someone that can know little ways to touch those
dealing with "non outward" issues.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Chemo 1...1 down 17 to go....
So I'm sitting here at my first chemo. I'm alive! I'm not nauseated. Things in my port worked well. I was a little emotional this morning but I'm good now. I'm a bit low on iron which might explain the total lack of energy. Worries me a bit to be low and just getting started. I even had a bit of a laughing attack that embarrassed Dave a bit....probably the mixture of pre Benadryl and steroids and headphones. I've never been good at talking softly with headphones.
Everyone is so kind and caring. My nurse told me most people tolerate getting the chemo pretty well, it is just the dang side affects a couple of days later that make it so rotten. I'm afraid ip day will be a different story but I'll take a good few hours regardless of what might come next.
They will send me home with lots of "stuff" to try and counter the side affects so I'll be praying for good results from those.
Dave gave me a sweet blessing this morning and I need to hold on to the positive moments as much as possible. Cam came to snuggle with me "just for a minute" at 3:30 am this morning and it really helped to calm me and stop thinking about what was coming.
Off to try and nap. Keep thinking that I might wake up sometime and find that this is a really bad dream... But wishing won't do me any good so I'm gonna shut my eyes, relax And enjoy feeling good for now!
Everyone is so kind and caring. My nurse told me most people tolerate getting the chemo pretty well, it is just the dang side affects a couple of days later that make it so rotten. I'm afraid ip day will be a different story but I'll take a good few hours regardless of what might come next.
They will send me home with lots of "stuff" to try and counter the side affects so I'll be praying for good results from those.
Dave gave me a sweet blessing this morning and I need to hold on to the positive moments as much as possible. Cam came to snuggle with me "just for a minute" at 3:30 am this morning and it really helped to calm me and stop thinking about what was coming.
Off to try and nap. Keep thinking that I might wake up sometime and find that this is a really bad dream... But wishing won't do me any good so I'm gonna shut my eyes, relax And enjoy feeling good for now!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Trek #2 and a few other thoughts...
The 1st half of 2012 was full of planning, implementing and enjoying a trek with the Youth of our Stake. It was a great experience and it definitely gave me a greater appreciation for the pioneers and those early saints and the hardships they faced.
President Lewis (the Trek boss) encouraged all of the leaders to memorize the scripture theme -- which I loved.
A cute friend Kristy reminded me the other day of the scripture theme and it hit me in a new way: Mosiah 24:14-15.
I know the next several months are going to be tough and I honestly worry that I may not have the emotional and physical strength to get through this -- I deal with emotional challenges much easier than physical ones -- and to be honest I'm a bit of a whimp all the way around. Every time I read this it really does give me hope. As we studied and tried to teach the kids this scripture last summer with Trek I never would have imagined 9 months later I'd need to apply it in my life in the way I am doing and that this would be the kind of burden placed upon my back and the backs of Dave and the kids. I'm sure the pioneers and everyone who has ever faced trials would never have imagined they'd face the challenges put before them bu they got through them and I will too.
One other random thought -- I watched a talk from President Uchtdorf today when he referred to a quote from President Kimball. “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other.”
If that is the case I am being watched over and over and over and over. Food, phone calls, txts, thoughts, treats, prayers, rides for kids, visits and more have been poured upon our family during the last 6 weeks. It is almost overwhelming. I never wanted to be a needy person, but I can tell you that the love and service is making all of the difference in the world. l continue to be amazed at how kind and loving and caring everyone is. And Dave... well what can I say about Dave. He sees me in my very worst moments (yes I try to share those only with him unfortunately for him and generally they are in the middle of the night when he doesn't have much of an option than to be here) yet he just continues on serving, cleaning, taking care of the kids, working, playing with the kids, doing his church calling and listening to me complain and be scared about the future -- all of this with absolutely not one complaint ... well there was one complaint once "Cam your mom is driving me nuts" ... but he said it loud enough for me to hear so we could laugh about it.
I just hope everyone knows how much I appreciate the love that surrounds us!
President Lewis (the Trek boss) encouraged all of the leaders to memorize the scripture theme -- which I loved.
A cute friend Kristy reminded me the other day of the scripture theme and it hit me in a new way: Mosiah 24:14-15.
14 And I will also ease the aburdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand asbwitnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their cafflictions.
15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord didastrengthen them that they could bear up their bburdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with cpatience to all the will of the Lord.
I know the next several months are going to be tough and I honestly worry that I may not have the emotional and physical strength to get through this -- I deal with emotional challenges much easier than physical ones -- and to be honest I'm a bit of a whimp all the way around. Every time I read this it really does give me hope. As we studied and tried to teach the kids this scripture last summer with Trek I never would have imagined 9 months later I'd need to apply it in my life in the way I am doing and that this would be the kind of burden placed upon my back and the backs of Dave and the kids. I'm sure the pioneers and everyone who has ever faced trials would never have imagined they'd face the challenges put before them bu they got through them and I will too.
One other random thought -- I watched a talk from President Uchtdorf today when he referred to a quote from President Kimball. “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other.”
If that is the case I am being watched over and over and over and over. Food, phone calls, txts, thoughts, treats, prayers, rides for kids, visits and more have been poured upon our family during the last 6 weeks. It is almost overwhelming. I never wanted to be a needy person, but I can tell you that the love and service is making all of the difference in the world. l continue to be amazed at how kind and loving and caring everyone is. And Dave... well what can I say about Dave. He sees me in my very worst moments (yes I try to share those only with him unfortunately for him and generally they are in the middle of the night when he doesn't have much of an option than to be here) yet he just continues on serving, cleaning, taking care of the kids, working, playing with the kids, doing his church calling and listening to me complain and be scared about the future -- all of this with absolutely not one complaint ... well there was one complaint once "Cam your mom is driving me nuts" ... but he said it loud enough for me to hear so we could laugh about it.
I just hope everyone knows how much I appreciate the love that surrounds us!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Chemo Countdown Calendar
In honor of the big day on Monday, the kids made chemo countdown calendars today... Kind of like the Christmas advent calendar you cut off each day.
Each countdown has 18 sets of candy and we told the kids after each of my chemos they could cut off a set of candy, come give me a kiss and eventually we will be down to the end.
My friend Roxanne also gave us some bracelets to help us keep positive ....Life, Laugh, Hope...3 things we are going to need a lot of during the next 5 months.
Each countdown has 18 sets of candy and we told the kids after each of my chemos they could cut off a set of candy, come give me a kiss and eventually we will be down to the end.
My friend Roxanne also gave us some bracelets to help us keep positive ....Life, Laugh, Hope...3 things we are going to need a lot of during the next 5 months.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
It's Easy to Be Positive when you are feeling good! And not sure I'm ready for chemo
So I've had a really good week -- I can actually see now how some point in the future I may be normal again. I can laugh and eat and picture myself doing regular things. I went to the grocery store by myself today and although I felt like an invisible person watching everyone around me be normal, wondering if anyone else around me felt like they didn't belong in the real world, I did it. (I imagine this might be how someone with depression feels). Getting winded walking around the block or going out to the grocery store for bananas and milk is new for me, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Unfortunately that light is a big bag of chemicals about to massacre my remaining cancer cells... and a lot of other good cells that things along with it.
I talked to a lady Linda this week that just finished up (on Halloween) her last chemo for Ovarian Cancer and was in a similar situation as mine. (Except for the fact that she is psychotic athlete and would put me to shame on a normal basis). Nonetheless, it was good to talk to her. She was very straightforward and honest. She made me hopeful and cry at the same time.
For her the IP (Tuesday stomach) chemo was the worst. She called that her wasted week and pretty much laid on the couch or in bed until Friday of that week hoping the bloating and stomach pain would go away. She generally was just in the house and didn't try to even go walking other than from one room to another. As the weekend would get closer she would start to feel better and by Saturday could usually walk a few blocks down her street... and eventually by the end of week 3 could walk a 2 mile route near her house. She said she was lucky and didn't have any complications with her ports.
As she was describing that week I thought of a talk by Elder Christopherson that Dave told me about and I saw on "late night" BYU TV called the Bread of Life and how the Savior is the bread of life. Sometimes that will mean that just getting through one minute to the next will be all you can do. As I listened to Linda I was just picturing myself laying there in my chemo weeks and knowing if the Savior can help me to get through a minute, and another minute and soon an hour and soon a day and then a week, I can get through this. It is easy for me to say this now, but I know will be hard to remember and incorporate when I'm on a "wasted week" and praying for the day to be over.
Honestly, I'm scared to death to start chemo. Never been so scared in my life. Kind of ironic that the thing that can make sure I don't die from this nasty stuff is thing I am most afraid of.
So my goal when chemo starts... have no expectations other than making sure I lean on the Savior and make it through each new day... and try to remember that eventually August will come!!!
Unfortunately that light is a big bag of chemicals about to massacre my remaining cancer cells... and a lot of other good cells that things along with it.
I talked to a lady Linda this week that just finished up (on Halloween) her last chemo for Ovarian Cancer and was in a similar situation as mine. (Except for the fact that she is psychotic athlete and would put me to shame on a normal basis). Nonetheless, it was good to talk to her. She was very straightforward and honest. She made me hopeful and cry at the same time.
For her the IP (Tuesday stomach) chemo was the worst. She called that her wasted week and pretty much laid on the couch or in bed until Friday of that week hoping the bloating and stomach pain would go away. She generally was just in the house and didn't try to even go walking other than from one room to another. As the weekend would get closer she would start to feel better and by Saturday could usually walk a few blocks down her street... and eventually by the end of week 3 could walk a 2 mile route near her house. She said she was lucky and didn't have any complications with her ports.
As she was describing that week I thought of a talk by Elder Christopherson that Dave told me about and I saw on "late night" BYU TV called the Bread of Life and how the Savior is the bread of life. Sometimes that will mean that just getting through one minute to the next will be all you can do. As I listened to Linda I was just picturing myself laying there in my chemo weeks and knowing if the Savior can help me to get through a minute, and another minute and soon an hour and soon a day and then a week, I can get through this. It is easy for me to say this now, but I know will be hard to remember and incorporate when I'm on a "wasted week" and praying for the day to be over.
Honestly, I'm scared to death to start chemo. Never been so scared in my life. Kind of ironic that the thing that can make sure I don't die from this nasty stuff is thing I am most afraid of.
So my goal when chemo starts... have no expectations other than making sure I lean on the Savior and make it through each new day... and try to remember that eventually August will come!!!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Nigh Tropical Storm and Tsunami
Ok... so I've been having night sweats since last summer (think that might have been with this whole cancer stuff was starting).
They got worse since the hysterectomy.
But seriously last night it was not a sweat it was a tsunami. My garments were literally completely soaked (top dripping) with sweat. I woke up in the hazy fog and if I'd found myself laying in a pool of water I wouldn't have been surprised.
Someday I'm going to understand the creation of woman and the need for hormones and how it relates to my eternal salvation, etc. etc but for now all I can say is WOW. I had no idea what hormones or lack or hormones could do.
They got worse since the hysterectomy.
But seriously last night it was not a sweat it was a tsunami. My garments were literally completely soaked (top dripping) with sweat. I woke up in the hazy fog and if I'd found myself laying in a pool of water I wouldn't have been surprised.
Someday I'm going to understand the creation of woman and the need for hormones and how it relates to my eternal salvation, etc. etc but for now all I can say is WOW. I had no idea what hormones or lack or hormones could do.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Port Placement went without a Hitch... and Misty Didn't Even Get Arrested!
I had my outpatient procedure to get my 2nd chemo port inserted. They'll do chemo and all blood draws from it. I now officially have two metal (I think titanium) heart shaped ports and tubes in me. How cool I would look at an airport scanner. Other than looking like I've been beaten (I can't get the area wet for at least 24 hours so the blue sanitizing dye gives a nice contrast to the 2 incisions and port poking out of my neck/chest -- it was not to bad.
I have to say, I was NOT looking forward to it. I had gotten dehyrdrated over the weekend from my new stomach trying to get used to itself (I'll spare the details) and then had to got the procedure fasting. Lisa took me to the hospital and suggested that I asked them to give me a bag of fluid and anti-naseau stuff before the procedure. (It is good to have post-op nurse as a friend.)
Everyone at IMC is always so good to me and immediately after getting to my room they hooked me up with an IV. Since I didn't have anyone wait with me the sweet nurse just hung out with me. We talked and told stories about our kids and she just did everything to assure me it would be a good procedure. The PA came in to tell me about the procedure and then sat on my bed and asked if he could tell a personal story. He then told me both his mother-in-law and aunt had ovarian cancer and they were 5 1/2 years and 12 years out. He said that Ovarian has a bad reputation but he's seen people beat it and wanted me to know it.
The procedure was great, love the "versed" sp? they give as an amnesiac and before I knew it I was back in my room with a huge glass of sprite and ice and Lorna Doones. (Thanks Mary Ann!) Honestly I felt better after I was done than I had felt going in that morning. I think the IV was "just what the Dr. ordered."
Finally... a procedure without a hitch. No liver spot, no vein failure, no barfing issues.
But wait... when calling Dave to tell him I had "survivied" I saw two missed calls from Valley View from two hours earlier and two messages. Hmmm... Kenzi was checking out for an ortho appointment and Misty was picking her up. What could have gone wrong?
Message 1: Mrs. Hess this is Valley View. We just saw Makenzie walk past the office, and go outside and get in a black SUV. She didn't check out and we need to know if it was you or verified by you. If we can't get a verification we need to call the police. Please call us back as soon as possible.
Me: Huh?! I gave her a note to check herself out. I emailed her teacher. Please tell me they didn't send the police after Misty?
Message 2 sent 10 minutes later: Mrs. Hess this is Valley View again. We were able to talk to Mrs. Higley and verify that you had told her she had an appointment so we won't need to call the police. Makenzie needs to make sure she checks out next time.
Me: Call school to verify although it was 2 hours later. Not realizing I was still groggy try to explain that I was in the hospital and hope everything was ok. I txt'd Misty to try and tell the funny story (bad idea to txt or make calls after surgery I was still a little out of it).
Apparently Makenzie had checked out, they just didn't see her in the office, they only saw her standing at the door and running outside to get in the black SUV. She said the office people scolded her when she got back, even though she had assured them she had given her teacher the note, used the computer to check out and had done everything she was supposed to. I don't blame the office -- better to error on the side of caution.
I just was imaging the local news headline -- Amber Alert cancelled after 12 year old found at orthodonist 4 blocks away with nice friend and her 5 year old daughter. All 3 were found sitting in the lobby of Dr. Feller's office enjoying a hot baked Cutler cookie when the police located the girl.
After laughing and taking a nap, I check out, feel great, give my nice nurse a hug goodbye and ride home with Tammy and the warm blanket she brought for me!
I'll take this kind of hitch!
I have to say, I was NOT looking forward to it. I had gotten dehyrdrated over the weekend from my new stomach trying to get used to itself (I'll spare the details) and then had to got the procedure fasting. Lisa took me to the hospital and suggested that I asked them to give me a bag of fluid and anti-naseau stuff before the procedure. (It is good to have post-op nurse as a friend.)
Everyone at IMC is always so good to me and immediately after getting to my room they hooked me up with an IV. Since I didn't have anyone wait with me the sweet nurse just hung out with me. We talked and told stories about our kids and she just did everything to assure me it would be a good procedure. The PA came in to tell me about the procedure and then sat on my bed and asked if he could tell a personal story. He then told me both his mother-in-law and aunt had ovarian cancer and they were 5 1/2 years and 12 years out. He said that Ovarian has a bad reputation but he's seen people beat it and wanted me to know it.
The procedure was great, love the "versed" sp? they give as an amnesiac and before I knew it I was back in my room with a huge glass of sprite and ice and Lorna Doones. (Thanks Mary Ann!) Honestly I felt better after I was done than I had felt going in that morning. I think the IV was "just what the Dr. ordered."
Finally... a procedure without a hitch. No liver spot, no vein failure, no barfing issues.
But wait... when calling Dave to tell him I had "survivied" I saw two missed calls from Valley View from two hours earlier and two messages. Hmmm... Kenzi was checking out for an ortho appointment and Misty was picking her up. What could have gone wrong?
Message 1: Mrs. Hess this is Valley View. We just saw Makenzie walk past the office, and go outside and get in a black SUV. She didn't check out and we need to know if it was you or verified by you. If we can't get a verification we need to call the police. Please call us back as soon as possible.
Me: Huh?! I gave her a note to check herself out. I emailed her teacher. Please tell me they didn't send the police after Misty?
Message 2 sent 10 minutes later: Mrs. Hess this is Valley View again. We were able to talk to Mrs. Higley and verify that you had told her she had an appointment so we won't need to call the police. Makenzie needs to make sure she checks out next time.
Me: Call school to verify although it was 2 hours later. Not realizing I was still groggy try to explain that I was in the hospital and hope everything was ok. I txt'd Misty to try and tell the funny story (bad idea to txt or make calls after surgery I was still a little out of it).
Apparently Makenzie had checked out, they just didn't see her in the office, they only saw her standing at the door and running outside to get in the black SUV. She said the office people scolded her when she got back, even though she had assured them she had given her teacher the note, used the computer to check out and had done everything she was supposed to. I don't blame the office -- better to error on the side of caution.
I just was imaging the local news headline -- Amber Alert cancelled after 12 year old found at orthodonist 4 blocks away with nice friend and her 5 year old daughter. All 3 were found sitting in the lobby of Dr. Feller's office enjoying a hot baked Cutler cookie when the police located the girl.
After laughing and taking a nap, I check out, feel great, give my nice nurse a hug goodbye and ride home with Tammy and the warm blanket she brought for me!
I'll take this kind of hitch!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Two Videos I've Enjoyed this Week
Getting used to a new normal is going to take some getting used to...
Now that I am back among the living, I am really going to have to work on normal.
Two months ago over doing it would have been going to the temple before the kids went to school, getting the kids off, exercising, volunteering, driving a carpool, fixing dinner, running to a game or concert, getting kids to bed and flopping in bed at midnight. I'd be exhausted. The next day but would be able to do it all again.
Post surgery me... Laying around all morning, taking a shower, being ready by 1 pm for two Dr. appointments is apparently way more than I can handle. Result... barfing for 12 hours. This is the 2nd time this has happened and since I have no fever or any other issues there are no concerns with it.
I think my body is so sensitive to its healing colon, stomach and other parts and is not able to tell me a nice way that I've over done it.
I was told after surgery that recovery was 4-6 weeks and without chemo it would be 6 months until I felt really normal again. I think I misunderstood that 4-6 weeks of recovery means just that... my body trying to put itself back together.
I need to have a balance though because honestly I could lay around all day and still be tired (I guess not sleeping adds a little to that) so I have to force myself to do a certain amount each day.
This really gives me a new perspective for those with chronic pain and health issues.
I remember thinking in the past when I'd get a cold or flu that you don't appreciate your health until you don't have it. Oh... I so appreciate the past 45 years of a healthy body now!!
Two months ago over doing it would have been going to the temple before the kids went to school, getting the kids off, exercising, volunteering, driving a carpool, fixing dinner, running to a game or concert, getting kids to bed and flopping in bed at midnight. I'd be exhausted. The next day but would be able to do it all again.
Post surgery me... Laying around all morning, taking a shower, being ready by 1 pm for two Dr. appointments is apparently way more than I can handle. Result... barfing for 12 hours. This is the 2nd time this has happened and since I have no fever or any other issues there are no concerns with it.
I think my body is so sensitive to its healing colon, stomach and other parts and is not able to tell me a nice way that I've over done it.
I was told after surgery that recovery was 4-6 weeks and without chemo it would be 6 months until I felt really normal again. I think I misunderstood that 4-6 weeks of recovery means just that... my body trying to put itself back together.
I need to have a balance though because honestly I could lay around all day and still be tired (I guess not sleeping adds a little to that) so I have to force myself to do a certain amount each day.
This really gives me a new perspective for those with chronic pain and health issues.
I remember thinking in the past when I'd get a cold or flu that you don't appreciate your health until you don't have it. Oh... I so appreciate the past 45 years of a healthy body now!!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
No Cancer in Liver!
Fatty infiltrate in the liver!
Now on to ip chemo...
Can I say again how much I hate throwing up? Seriously, there is no way I've eaten the amounts I'm losing.
Oh well.... No cancer in the liver!
Now on to ip chemo...
Can I say again how much I hate throwing up? Seriously, there is no way I've eaten the amounts I'm losing.
Oh well.... No cancer in the liver!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Human Again
A great thing happened this morning... For the 1st half hour I was awake I actually felt like my old self. It didn't last long, but it gave me a glimpse of hope that during the next weeks I could actually have some days that I feel pretty darn good!
Makes sense...I've always been a bit of a rule follower. My Dr. Said 4-6 weeks until I would start to feel better and it has been 4 weeks today! Here is to hoping the next two weeks get better and better each day.
Makes sense...I've always been a bit of a rule follower. My Dr. Said 4-6 weeks until I would start to feel better and it has been 4 weeks today! Here is to hoping the next two weeks get better and better each day.
Monday, March 5, 2012
MRI -- Good think I'm not claustrophobic
Had my MRI this morning -- unfortunately won't probably know the results until tomorrow.
Just a few comments about MRIs.
1. Oh my -- you could not do that if you were claustrophobic. Nothing like being in a small tube with pounding noises in your head. They didn't have to have me all of the way in so if I need to I could roll my head back and see out the back, but I know why some people can't get MRIs.
2. I felt like I was in a futuristic sci-fi movie being brainwashed or healed or something, or I was in that episode in LOST when they make someone sit it a room with weird images and loud noises while they are hypnotizing or doing whatever to them.
3. I can sing Primary Songs in my head amidst really loud obnoxious pounding noises (at least if it is only for 45 minutes). I couldn't concentrate on scriptures though.
4. Popping/bursting/failing veins during the dye injection process hurts -- REALLY REALLY HURTS. I was doing great until they started the images injecting the dye and all of the sudden I felt like my arm was going to explode. I had tears running down my cheeks and I was trying to tell them something was wrong, but there were 3 consecutive tests and they couldn't hear me. By the time she was able to ask me how I was doing I was pretty sure I wouldn't have an arm left and was not a very happy little patient.
Apparently the vein gave in or popped or burst or failed so the dye leaked out of my vein and into the tissues -- and tissue and that dye don't do well together. She came in, took out the IV and put an heat pack on it. She said it would hurt until the dye was absorbed by my body.
She was super surprised my vein didn't hold up because she said my vein had looked really good and seemed to hold well during the flushing. She had to move it to the other side and pray it didn't fail on that one too. Sounds really mellow dramatic, but the thoughts of that happening again just about put me over the edge. As she did the IV on the other arm and started up the tube again I just prayed over and over again. I knew that Heavenly Father could make sure my other vein would work and it wouldn't happen again. I've been very specific and probably very annoying in my prayers lately. I have direct, specific and immediate requests and gratefully this prayer was answered. They finished up the test and I did great.
My poor friend Becky that took me to the appointment was out in the waiting room and had gone to the front desk to make sure I was ok since it was taking so long. I'm afraid I didn't look my best self when I came out. Good thing she doesn't love me for my looks.
The nurse apologized over and over again -- although there was nothing she could have done. I assured her that 2012 hasn't been a banner year for me so it was ok to have had a little blip.
I'm home, only feel a slight bruise in my arm and am happy it is over. Now just praying the results are good!!!
Just a few comments about MRIs.
1. Oh my -- you could not do that if you were claustrophobic. Nothing like being in a small tube with pounding noises in your head. They didn't have to have me all of the way in so if I need to I could roll my head back and see out the back, but I know why some people can't get MRIs.
2. I felt like I was in a futuristic sci-fi movie being brainwashed or healed or something, or I was in that episode in LOST when they make someone sit it a room with weird images and loud noises while they are hypnotizing or doing whatever to them.
3. I can sing Primary Songs in my head amidst really loud obnoxious pounding noises (at least if it is only for 45 minutes). I couldn't concentrate on scriptures though.
4. Popping/bursting/failing veins during the dye injection process hurts -- REALLY REALLY HURTS. I was doing great until they started the images injecting the dye and all of the sudden I felt like my arm was going to explode. I had tears running down my cheeks and I was trying to tell them something was wrong, but there were 3 consecutive tests and they couldn't hear me. By the time she was able to ask me how I was doing I was pretty sure I wouldn't have an arm left and was not a very happy little patient.
Apparently the vein gave in or popped or burst or failed so the dye leaked out of my vein and into the tissues -- and tissue and that dye don't do well together. She came in, took out the IV and put an heat pack on it. She said it would hurt until the dye was absorbed by my body.
She was super surprised my vein didn't hold up because she said my vein had looked really good and seemed to hold well during the flushing. She had to move it to the other side and pray it didn't fail on that one too. Sounds really mellow dramatic, but the thoughts of that happening again just about put me over the edge. As she did the IV on the other arm and started up the tube again I just prayed over and over again. I knew that Heavenly Father could make sure my other vein would work and it wouldn't happen again. I've been very specific and probably very annoying in my prayers lately. I have direct, specific and immediate requests and gratefully this prayer was answered. They finished up the test and I did great.
My poor friend Becky that took me to the appointment was out in the waiting room and had gone to the front desk to make sure I was ok since it was taking so long. I'm afraid I didn't look my best self when I came out. Good thing she doesn't love me for my looks.
The nurse apologized over and over again -- although there was nothing she could have done. I assured her that 2012 hasn't been a banner year for me so it was ok to have had a little blip.
I'm home, only feel a slight bruise in my arm and am happy it is over. Now just praying the results are good!!!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Two steps forward one step back.... Life keeps moving
In the hospital my Dr. warned the recovery would be two steps forward and one step back... If I expected each new day to be better than the last I would be disappointed. I guess the past few days have been my step back days. I wanted to be the one with the miraculous recovery that was up and running in three weeks. But my body has other plans and this step back stuff is no fun. On Thursday I volunteered at Kenzie's school for a half hour, I took a little drive with Misty and even took a walk in the culdesac with the family. I guess my body decided it was time for a break.... Haven't laid around so much for a week.
In the meantime life just keeps going onaround me...not that I would want it any other way, it just feels a little lonely to watch life from the outside.
But then I saw these great pictures. It was the soccer tournament I took Lolo and some girls to the weekend before my diagnosis. It seems strange that my body was full of cancer and didn't even know it. We shopped, we ate, we laughed, we were the hang out room cause there was no dad in our room. It is exactly what a perfect road trip should be. I'm looking forward to something like this again. In the meantime thank heavens for pictures.
In the meantime life just keeps going onaround me...not that I would want it any other way, it just feels a little lonely to watch life from the outside.
But then I saw these great pictures. It was the soccer tournament I took Lolo and some girls to the weekend before my diagnosis. It seems strange that my body was full of cancer and didn't even know it. We shopped, we ate, we laughed, we were the hang out room cause there was no dad in our room. It is exactly what a perfect road trip should be. I'm looking forward to something like this again. In the meantime thank heavens for pictures.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Ughhh and Hooray for one hurdle down
I hate throwing up. Enough said.
Hooray for no more shots...one of the most miserable parts of post op. Every day for the past two weeks Dave has had to give me a shot in my belly. Not only did they hurt, but the dang things cost over $300! We started doing them in the morning but they progressively got more miserable until i would postpone it until bedtime. Lauren wanted to help give them to me, but honestly I wanted to punch Dave every time he gave me one so Lauren decided it would be better to just watch. The good news they are gone and we are done with at least one chapter of this, hmmmm not sure of a nice word to use, experience.
Hooray for no more shots...one of the most miserable parts of post op. Every day for the past two weeks Dave has had to give me a shot in my belly. Not only did they hurt, but the dang things cost over $300! We started doing them in the morning but they progressively got more miserable until i would postpone it until bedtime. Lauren wanted to help give them to me, but honestly I wanted to punch Dave every time he gave me one so Lauren decided it would be better to just watch. The good news they are gone and we are done with at least one chapter of this, hmmmm not sure of a nice word to use, experience.
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