Ouch! I love my Durango and after a year of looking was going to be so mad if I had to find a new car!!!

A few thoughts after a not so great morning, that could have been worse.

1. Have you ever had one of those moments when time goes super slow and for 10 seconds you distinctly remember each and every moment? Not the "ooh I want to savor every second kind of moment," but the "oh my gosh that car is going to hit me and I can't do anything about it" and wait for the impact kind of moment. It is strange, because 1000s of second pass all of the time and I don't stop to think about it at all, but today for about 10-20 seconds each second went by very, very distinctly and slowly.

2. I love my Durango. I've always heard that SUVs do well in crashes. I am here to tell you that the impact of a Honda Accord is not felt super strongly on the front-driver's side of a big Durango. As I told the police officer "I was expecting a way bigger crash feeling than I felt."

3. When you drive you take so much for granted. There are all of these rules and signals and signs and you drive around under the assumption that you and everyone else will follow them. When someone doesn't, and had absolutely no idea there was a stop sign and they are going 20 mph and they hit you while going 35 mph -- something bad is going to happen. Gratefully I only have a really bad headache from the side of my head hitting the window and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a stiff neck and side in the morning. (I'm still a little worried about the 74 year woman who hit me and was still in shock not saying much 1 hour after the accident. I really hope she is ok.) How can you teach your kids (and always remember yourself) that even though 99% of the time it is safe in the car, you just can't take for granted that you and everyone around you will follow all of the rules and signs.

4. Good people are even nicer when there is a trauma -- and when people are nice to me it makes me want to cry. The policemen, the witness, the paramedics, the tow truck driver were all so kind. After she hit me and I jumped out and called 911 I was very calm. She was not getting out of her car and while not fatally injured, she was definitely in shock. I was calm, relaxed and ok... until I called Dave. As soon as I heard his voice I started crying. When the policeman came back over and starting talking to me he wasn't quite sure how to react now to the calm woman was now bawling. Again... composed until I try to call my sister. I said I was fine, it just makes me cry when I talk to someone I know... nice tow truck guy says "would it be easier if I call your sister then?" "No," I calmly said, "I just need to put on these sunglasses so no one can see my tears and I'll be ok."

5. Perfect ski days with 3 feet of new powder, perfectly sunny blue skies and temperatures in the 40s are not that hard to come by. It is ok that we were all ready to ski (lunch packed, clothes on, 10 hours of cleaning the day before done). I must admit, after I was hit and was ok and she was ok, I thought how grateful I was the kids hadn't run to the store with me, and then I just was really, really mad I was going to miss a fabulous day of skiing!!!!!! (Oh well -- maybe Cam was going to fall off the lift or something if we had gone.)

6. Wrecks, 911, and having the paramedics check your pulse and blood pressure are not the way to spend a morning. Lauren was soooooo mad when I got home and I was ok and then realized she wasn't there. I guess when you are 12 it all sounds very cool. Apparently I had neglected to tell the kids the paramedics had come and checked me out, and when they heard me tell the story to my dad they were very unhappy that I had "left out the coolest part -- I didn't know the ambulance people actually looked at you!" Lauren said later in the day "I can't wait to tell my friends we were in an accident over Spring Break and the ambulance came... oooh, well I wasn't in the accident but my mom was and we were almost with her."

7. I've said 1000s of prayers in my life and prayed we'd be safe driving or skiing or doing whatever. When I got home this morning and everything really was OK because she hit the front end and not the driver's door, neither of us were seriously hurt and the kids weren't in the car, I was so grateful that I really did "get home safely" today.

8. Bizarre last thought (but it is late and Cam has been up screaming with a leg ache). I wonder what my "sideways" world would look like if I had been 20 seconds earlier or later or hadn't gone to the store at all? (Ok... so a little obsessed with LOST as of late, but it is a good question.)

My Handsome Little Man and Handsome Big Man too!

Cameron has been wanting a suit -- mostly so he can be just like his Dad! About a month ago he asked if he could get a suit if he would sleep in his own bed for 2 weeks. His sisters just laughed at him... they thought it was very funny he wanted a suit and was willing to work for it. Usually he earns All-A-Dollar trips for staying in bed.

Well he did it, he loves it and he looks way too grown-up in it!

(Funny side story... we bought it the morning before we left for California. We had already packed some other church clothes but when he saw Dave had his suit he insisted he take his.)

It's only 8:00 am and I Hate April Fool's Day with Lauren... and that is no joke!

Ok... so it is only 8:00 am and I so far this morning I have discovered the following:

1. Plastic wrap over the toilets.
2. Shower heads messed up.
3. Water turned off on the toilets so when you try to flush they don't work.
4. Elastic band on water tap to shoot water out when it is turned on.
5. Food coloring in the milk.
6. Food coloring in the bottom of all of front 5 glasses in the cupboard so our water would turn green.
7. Salt in the bottom of the paper cups -- so that when I was finally so frustrated about all of the dye in the glasses I filled up a paper cup with water only to discover it was full of salt. (And I did laugh pretty hard at that one since she knew me well enough to know I would resort to the paper.)
8. A frozen plastic bug in the ice in the freezer.

Lauren is smart and won't let me make her lunch today (I guess that is the one benefit of April Fool's Day here.)

I'm afraid to see what is going to happen when she gets to school. She wanted to go and get my nephew's neck brace and old cast and wear them to school, but somehow I think she will be disruptive enough without that. Let's hope she doesn't get expelled by the time the day is over... because if I find too many more things she is going to be kicked out of the house!

(Jenn -- you know this is your fault!!!)

Update: 8:15am -- Lauren turns off water to sinks and toilets@#*$@*#$ and then turns off the power breaker to whole house. Ok... so I'm getting a little tired of this and let her know.

8:20 am -- Mom slips a tampon into Lauren's lunchable (since she wouldn't take a homemade lunch). Good one mom! My guilt takes over and I decide to move it and she catches me.

11:00 am -- Found she moved my toothpaste and put sunblock there instead -- hoping I wouldn't notice. Too bad dear -- I noticed!

1:10 pm -- Dave and I are going to take her door off and take out all of the lightbulbs in her room.

6:00 pm -- My good friend Misty Mayfield helps get revenge on Lauren by making salt-laden cookies and bringing them under the "Haley is doing Faith in God" pretext. Unfortunately for Dave, he is home and I am not so he and Lauren both eat a cookie and about barf. Now all future potential Hess/Mayfield marriages are off (Dave even called Mike to make that clear). We send the rest home with Emily Hardman to pass along more April Fools evil to her home.

7:45 pm -- My good friend Misty Mayfield shows up at the door with a bag of chocolate chip cookies and eats one. Dave insists she has been eating massive amounts of salt for weeks to build up a salt immunity, but finally gives in and eats a delicious cookie!!!! Thanks Misty -- getting Dave and Lauren and yummy cookies can't be beat!! I guess a Mayfield/Hess marriage might be in the future afterall.

How Do I Know Lauren is Almost a Teen!!

It's not that we just attended maturation again. (And can I say it was much, much more detailed and open and descriptive than last year.. and nothing like what we saw at Elementary School).

It's not just that she is starting to email boys, chatting about boys and walking to Keva with all of her friends after taking the honors tests at Millcreek.

It's not that her skinny little muscly body is actually starting to take in some new curves and Bethany cut and styled her hair in today and she looks absolutely gorgeous!

The answer... quote from Lauren at District History Fair on Thursday. "Mom, you don't need to stand so close to me. I can do this on my own. You don't have to stay."

Don't get me wrong -- I want an independent daughter that can do things on her own and be independent. I guess I'm just not ready to not be needed like I have always been.

When I left the history fair (the kids had all planned a lunch party after so she was going home with friends) I got in the car and realized she is getting older, she needs to show her independence and doesn't need/want me in the same way anymore. (Sniffle, sniffle.)

I know our relationship will go back and forth, up and down and be different all of the time, especially since 12 hours after she let me know she doesn't need me she is at the front door with me after book club chatting and asking me to hold her. She jumps in my arms like a baby and sits there talking with me and friends for a long time and then asking me to come and snuggle with her in bed.

After I teased her and told my friends her story she told me she does still need me, but unfortunately I know she is a pre-teen because it is on her terms.

It is time for me to start to parent Lauren in a different kind of way -- it is just going to take some getting used to from both of us.

Great Sappy Movie... The Ultimate Gift

So last night Kenzi and I re-watched a movie we got for Christmas. It is sappy, and sweet, and has a great moral, and made me cry (not hard to do I realize), and clean, and is pretty funny in parts as well. (Great movie to watch with your kids... (we watched it at the cabin at Christmas and Grandpa and the teenagers both liked it... pretty hard to find a movie that we can all watch together.)

Crush the Turtle, Cowabungo Cameron and the Bra

We spent the day at California Adventure and loved it. Although 'Soaring Over California' was amazing, the Toy Story 4-D was totally cool, we all loved the Bugs Life 3-D movie, and Lauren Dave and Kenz couldn't get enough of California Screamer -- the highlight of the day had to be Cameron's interactive discussion with Crush the Turtle from Nemo.

They have a small theatre where Crush the Turtle has live interactive discussion with the audience while he is in the bottom of the ocean. It is a combination of improve comedy and virtual digital animation.

Crush called on Cameron when the audience was able to ask Crush questions:

Crush: "What is your name dude?"

Cameron: "Cameron."

Crush: "Cowabunga Cameron dude. What's your question?"

Cameron: "What are all of your kids names?" (Crush said he had 65 kids earlier.)

Crush: "Roshell, Mishell, Toshell, Shelldon... " and then he goes off on a hilarious improve of 65 names with funny jokes about the Beetles, the Jackson brothers, etc.

Crush to Cameron: "Can you help me for a minute?" Crush swims away and comes back with a bikini top. "We found this at the beach and we don't know what it is. Can you tell me what this is?"

Cameron: A little embarrassed... "It's a bra!"

Audience: Laughing hysterically.

Crush and Show Narrator: Silence. Not expecting bra as the answer.

Crush: Laughing... "Hey bro, hey bra! Is that how you use it?"

Cameron: "No!"

Crush: "Then what is it for?"

Steph and Cathy: Sitting in the back and laughing hysterically, tears streaming down my cheeks thinking "Please don't let him answer this question out loud. I shouldn't have let him sit in front by himself."

Show Narrator: Taking the microphone away from Cameron so he doesn't answer -- this is a kids show after all. "It's what girls use to go swimming Crush." Whew... I'm pretty sure that is not what Cameron was about to say and I'm pretty sure how he would have answered.

Audience: Laughing, laughing, laughing!

Crush puts on bikini top.

Crush to Cameron: "Does it make me look fat?"

Cameron: "No it doesn't."

Crush: "I'm going to go put this back and let's all pretend we are Dory and say this never happened!"

Crush to Audience: "If you promise to keep this a secret say CHAW!"

Show ends a few couple of minutes later and Steph, Cathy, Lauren and Kenzi are still laughing... and tears still streaming down my eyes.

I realize this is one of those things "you have to be there to appreciate" but Cathy and I laughed all day about this. It was obvious by the silence after "bra" that Cameron had not given the right answer and the narrator was a little concerned about what he would say next.

I guess they didn't realize this 5 year old sweet little boy from Utah would have no idea what a bikini top would be!

April 2010 Update: So we were cleaning the cabin after spending a few days there and I found a bra that one of Kelli's friends had left. I threw it in the garbage and later asked Cam to take out the garbage. As he was emptying the trash he saw the bra and "Hmmm... a girls bikini top... I know what that is." Poor guy, he is now more confused than ever.

There is nothing worse than being a woman who has no ability to control tears and tender emotions... unless you are a male with that same problem

Ok Cam, I've said this before... I am so sorry you got so much of me in you... especially the Bevan cry face and totally lack of ability to control tears.

I've dealt with this my whole life. In Kindergarten when they sang Happy Birthday to me and I cried to whole time, watching movies and sobbing at the end, teaching lessons when no one can understand me because of crying, sitting in R.S. on Sunday just hearing the words to a favorite song and wiping away tears. I even cry in happy times. Jenn and I played a duet in a R.S. thing when we were teenagers and we messed up and started laughing so hard we both had tears streaming down our faces and just sat at the piano and laughed and cried for 5 minutes. I looked at my mom and she just sat there shaking her head.

Today I dropped off Kindergarten carpool, watched them all run in and drove away and ran a quick errand. When I got home a few minutes later there was a message, I thought it was Makenzie's voice but I had just been at her school and I knew it couldn't have been her. The message said, "adsjlf;aiasfd ja;ldsfjaiofhaf adsjf;adfka" and there was gasping and tears and more "aoidhfadf adsfopadhis." I assumed it was Cameron but had no idea what he had said. I knew he wasn't hurt or they wouldn't have let him call me, so I called back the school.

Just like on LOST (thank you Dave) I'll share in a flashback.

After dropping the kids off, apparently Cam realized he didn't have his backpack. Which is not the end of the world, unless it is LIBRARY DAY and you are supposed to see Mr. Weadon. I guess he came running after my car, through the parking lot screaming. I drove away and didn't see the 5 year old screaming at the top of his lungs chasing me as fast as he could go!!!! Those in the parking lot that watch it said he was absolutely devastated and tried so hard to get to me.

His teacher said when he got to class he was just sobbing and so upset... he had forgotten to bring back his library book.

When I brought it up to the school they were all walking down to an assembly. When the teacher saw me we both did our best to not burst out into laughter and I handed her the backpack. I look in line and there is cute little Cam, shaggy hair, Bevan cry face, trying his very best not to burst into tears again.

I gave him a high five, told him to have fun and walked away as his teacher told him she'd keep his backpack until after the assembly and then they'd all go to library together. I could hear gasps for breath as I walked away... Cam still trying to hold it together.

Hating to ever mess up, wanting to never disappoint others, being a little intense and being very senstive are personality characteristics that only make the tears come faster and longer.

Someone told me once they believed no one should ever cry alone... and I guess I believe that too because I'm the first the join in on any kind of tear fest.

So... sorry Cam, I feel your pain. Having me as a mom and Kenzi as a sister will probably only make this issue worse. You may get punched a few times growing up for your sensitivity, but I'm hoping someday your wife and daughters will appreciate the tender little man you are!

#1 Reason I'd Seriously Consider Home Schooling my Kids

Cam Ski Lessons Week 2 -- I could really get used to this!

We did our reading on the way up the lift: "Not Yet. Do not raise the bar until you reach the net."

We definitely got in our P.E.

Physics was thrown in as well as we watch the helicopter take off and land dropping off the helicopter skiers above us.

Math was taken care of as we counted the number of "farm animals gates" Cameron skiied around on the mini downhill course.

Health and Nutrition was completed as we ate our candy bar on the lift and talked about why chocolate bar snacks are good for you on while you are skiing, and then why we were going to eat carrots, string cheese and nuts on the way home.

Political Science got a "check" while we listened to Limbaugh on the way up, and Music class was covered at a high volume on the way home!

Next week we'll discuss how Big & Little Cottonwood Canyon's were formed and look at the cloud formations on the drive and we can pass off Geology/Geography too!

Sunday Afternoon with Hess Kids... Gotta Love Creativity!!

Sunday afternoons at the Hess house are either really, really good -- or really, really bad. Some days there seems to be lots of fighting and crankiness, and other days they seem to genuinely love each other and have a great time. Here are a couple of those pleasant afternoons.

Lauren and Kenzi can make something cool out of anything. And poor Cam... always getting dragged into their dress up games. They had a great afternoon with a TV box, wigs and hats, and stick ponies on the wild frontier!

Sunday Picnic -- 36 degrees, lots of sun and snow surrounding us. I guess the kids have a little bit of spring fever, because I came home and Lauren had a picnic basket set up with pizza, chips, carrots (I've taught her well Dave) and Rootbeer. We sat out on the lawn and ate, played games and got a little chilly.

St. George Fun!

After a yummy family dinner!

The Hess', Adams' and Jones'

Great new park Katie took us too... coolest toys ever!

Lauren has loved plyaing in this old truck ever since she was a little girl.

Virgin River -- Dave is quite the Rock skipper.

Great new hike we found behind Grandmas condo.

Aunt Cathy and the kids.

Katie's cool pink scooter ... too bad she looks too young and can't ride it!

We had a great President's Day/Valentine's Day weekend in St. George. Lauren's soccer team had a tournament and it happened to be a sunny 50+ degree weekend. It was the perfect combination of soccer, fun and family too.

And I must admit, the new car DVD was great. Between Dave and I listening to Harry Potter 7 on CD, Lauren playing with her ipod and the other two watching movies -- the drive was calm, short and actually relaxing.

My niece Katie goes to Dixie so we got to hang out with her and she had Kenzi over for a sleepover at her apartment.

Cathy and Ray came in from L.A. to work with Dave and try to get some health/financial issues resolved with their mom so we got to hang out with them too. Of course Viarata Ray brough ceviche, carna asada, shrimp and everything else and we had a divine Sunday/Valentine's Dinner.

We stayed at a hotel with several other kids on the soccer team so the kids loved that. Cam and Kenzi swam whenever they could (Lauren's coach doesn't like swimming before games so they only got to go on Saturday night) but we did have a pizza night, game night at someone's condo and lots of hanging out in eachother's rooms playing games.

Couldn't have asked for a better weekend! (Except for maybe winning a couple of more games -- didn't do too bad -- won 3 and lost 2).

That was awesome mom!!

I wait for the "perfect ski day" to take my kids for the 1st time, and yesterday was that day for Cam. Fresh snow, sunny skies, him asking to go/not be dragging him and just the two of us.

Did he like it -- "I LOVE IT!! It is better than karate, baseball, soccer and basketball." First thing he said this morning, "Can we go skiing again today?"

Except for the little hitch of somehow Kenzi not walking out the front door for her carpool (I left her about 5-10 minutes before her ride got there to get Cam's skis and somehow she didn't hear/see them even though they honked in front for 5 minutes... but she was reading and listening to her MP3 player and I guess she was in a Kenzi zone until she called me at 8:55 am saying her ride never came -- thanks Lisa for bailing me out!!!!)

We got up there about 9:30 am and skiied until 11:45 am. He changed in the car and we went straight to school so we could get a few extra runs in.

Cam did great a job, was very brave and did extremely well. (Thank you inventor of edgie/wedgie.) His only problem was he got a little confident and the last few runs he chose not to slow down at the bottom and about decapitated himself with the rope, hit a pole and fell right in front of the chair lift.

I had to laugh because on one of the runs he said "Mom, let's not talk this time down. Let's just play the quiet game all the way down the hill." He is so his father's son.

He has already planned our next ski day for next week... on a sunny/warm day of course!

12 Weeks of No Missing Assignments = Kenzi Ears Pierced. Way to go Kenzi!

A couple of weeks into the new school year last fall, Kenzi brought home her "Friday note" that shows if you have missing assignments. Her first one showed 11!!! Eleven!

We went back to school and found most of them in her desk, in the garbage or in a pile with no name. It isn't that she didn't do her assignments, she just didn't bother to turn them in. Her desk at school has always been atrocious even though every teacher has always tried to help her. We kept encouraging her and tried to remind her, but things didn't improve much. She has

After meeting with her teachers and Ms. Kotter helping her set up an organization plan, Kenzi set two goals. After 4 weeks of no missing assignments she could earn "Little Man" computer game. And after 12 weeks of no missing assignments she could get her ears pierced.

I must admit... I kind of doubted she'd ever make the 12 weeks and if she did, I thought it would take the entire year!

Well... needless to say she did it and she got to get her ears pierced yesterday.

I've seen the organization spill over to her bedroom as well -- still filled with Kenzi "little things" hanging from everyplace, but it is pretty organized and clean.

Good job Kenzi!! And... thanks Ms. Kotter for helping Kenzi learn a really important skill.

Makenzie Rose...what color of pink is the sky in your world?

Kenzi... my sweet little Kenzi just makes me laugh. Ever since she was a baby there was just something unique and sweet about her. By the time she was about 2 or 3 Dave and I began to notice that she just thinks in totally different way than we do.

I could write pages of funny Kenzi stories... but won't do that tonight, but since this is my journal I decided to document a few funny Kenzi things.

I am completely convinced that in Kenzi's world, the sky is pink. She thinks differently than I do and looks at things in ways that I would never think. She thinks creatively and can come up with a solution for just about anything.

She is incredibly independent and is perhaps the most intrinsically motivated person I know. Kenzi is motivated by Kenzi and isn't easily persuaded into anything she doesn't want to do.

When she was 4 she asked to change her name to Rose (her middle is not Rose) and started to call herself Rose. She wrote Rose on all of her papers and asked people to call her Rose. That lasted until about 1/2 way through 2nd grade. We called her Rose and she said "I don't want to be Rose anymore, please call me Kenzi."

She has a very acute sense of smell and does not do well with smells she doesn't like. We've had several dinners with Kenzi sitting there with tape across her nose and face to "block" the smell.

Last night I was reminded again about another funny Kenzi trait. She woke up in the night sick to her stomach. She went in the bathroom, threw up, made herself a bed on a floor (hard tile floor) and went back to "bed". A few minutes later she came in and calmly told Dave and I she was sick, throwing up and would be in the bathroom. I went in the bathroom and she laid down back in her "bed" and spent the night on the floor.

Someday I'll share her 1st grade food fight story, chocolate milk escapades with a little boy, the "little" beds and homes she creates for everything and other favorite Kenzi stories. Until then Makenzie Rose (I know you don't like to be called that anymore, but I will always think of you of Rose) I'd love to join your world sometime.

Either I'm a really, really, really good mom or a really, really, really bad mom... just not sure which!

Ok, so on the way home from SEPs today Cameron and Kenzi are in the backseat talking about who knows what and we then have the following conversation:

Cameron: Mom, in my next life I want to be adopted.

Me: What did you say?

Cameron: Well you know, don't we get two lives -- another life after this one? Well I want to be adopted.

Me: Sorry buddy, in the next life we are all sealed together so you will still have the same mom and dad.

Kenzi: It's ok Cameron. All of us are kind of adopted. Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother really are our real parents so it doesn't really matter.

Cameron: Oh.

Me: Yeah I guess you're right. So Kenzi I guess that makes you and me sisters.

Kenzi: I know. I was thinking about that earlier. That means Jackson and I (a kid she fights with a lot at school) are really brother and sister. Eww!

Me in my head 1st thought: Wow, I'm a really great mom that has helped my girls feel so loved and secure about adoptions and sealings, etc. that Cameron even wants to be adopted. (Side note -- at our house Cameron has been told not so nicely "you don't have a birth mom." "Oh yes he does" I reply. "Oh you don't count. Your not a birth mom your just mom." He once asked me what his birth mother's name was because being just "born" wasn't very exciting.)

Me in my head 2nd thought: Or more likely... Cameron is still ticked off that I am his mean mom and that he inherited the Bevan cry face and my lack of ability to control tears (see blog post from earlier today) and is thinking that his only chance for a really good mom is in the next life.

HELP!!!!! What to do with a son that cares way too much about his clothes!!!!

Ok... so my sweet, handsome and charming 5-year old has been walking around the house for 45 minutes crying about what he is going to wear to school today. He only has 2 pants he will willingly wear and they are in the washer... meltdown. He also refuses to wear any of his 3 new shirts I bought him for Christmas so they are now in a bag waiting to be given to his friend. (Let me clarify -- the clothes he won't wear are the "cool/trendy" looking clothes. Anything that is plain, colorless and very boy is all he wants to wear.)

Unfortunately he also inherited the "Bevan cry face" so he also looks like he has been punched in the face after being out in the hot sun for 10 hours. (The exact look that caused me to hold my breath and pass out in 5th grade when I couldn't get my new Farrah Faucet hair cut to look right... but that is another story.)

So to my girls who always had 15 outfits a day on and didn't really care what they were wearing... thank you! And Cameron, buddy, I'm afraid you have a long life ahead of you!!!

Addendum: when our carpool buddy got in the car today he looked and Cameron's face, got the strangest look on his face like "what the heck happened to you?" Not a word about the pants that "everyone would laugh at" just shock at the Bevan cry face.