I found old drafts -- don't know if I ever published them so I'm publishing all of them now!
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I've decided it is time to make sure I write down the events leading up to and the awful, awful few days when I first found out about my cancer. It honestly feels like it was years ago, not just 2 months ago.
July 2012: Starting having night sweats... really bad. I don't know if this was when it started or if there is any correlation -- it is just the only out of the ordinary thing that I can think of that might be related.
December 2012: Just a few days before the cruise I woke up with super intense stomach pains. One morning I was actually up in bed crying it hurt so bad. Kind of felt like cramps and stomach flu together -- without the sickness. At the time our house was under contract to be sold, we hadn't found a new house to buy, I was trying to get us ready for the cruise and Christmas. By 10:00 am ish each morning the cramps would be gone so I didn't think anything about it. I just assumed it was stress since it would go away each day.
As soon as we got to San Juan and on the cruise the stomach pain went away. I was sure it had just been stress.
Post Cruise 2012: When we got home from the cruise I didn't feel great. I was a little seasick on the cruise and my head was spinning for a week or two after we got home. Thought it was a bit strange it was taking me so long to feel good again. After the cruise Jenn had a hysterectomy. For years they've been worried about cancer for her, and finally decided just to remove everything. Didn't think one thing about me needing to be worried.
January 2012: I felt like I had gained weight -- which would make sense with the cruise and Christmas. I cut way down on eating, made sure I exercised each day and did lots of "ab" workouts. My stomach area seemed to be getting fat no matter what I did. I was due for an annual exam and felt like I should go to my obgyn for the exam and not my regular Dr. Dr. Brown is wonderful but she books out about a year for a check-up.
January 25: Woke up in the night and my stonach was as hard as a rock. It felt like a cramp that wouldn't loosen up. It didn't really hurt -- just felt abnormal. I woke Dave up and had him feel it. It definitely was hard as a rock. We decided as soon as I got back from a soccer I'd make sure I made my Dr. appointment for a check up. Starting looking up symptoms on the internet for what I'd been feeling. Several things came back including Ovarian Cancer. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be that.
January 27 - January 29: I took Lauren, Savannah and Amanda to a soccer tournament in Las Vegas. Jenn came with us for company on the drive and stayed with Adam. We had a great time -- went shopping, to dinner, watched soccer and I even worked out in the hotel gym a few times. I had started my period and decided the stomach cramps I'd had earlier in the week must have been that.
Saturday night we spent the night with Adam and Stacy. I was talking to Adam and was telling him when I got home from the trip I was going to see a Dr. for a checkup. I told him I thought I had a food allergy/gas, fibroid tumors or Ovarian Cancer. I of course was kidding about the Ovarian Cancer. We joked about it and how bad it would be if I did have cancer. Guess it really wasn't that funny afterall.
January 30: Called Dr. Brown's office for a check-up. Of course, getting in would be difficult. They'd put me on a waiting list and when Joyce her nurse (and my friend) got back from a trip they'd have her figure out a time they could work me in.
January 31: Got a call from Dr. Brown's office. They had a cancellation that day and if I could be there in an hour I could have the appointment. Feeling a little stupid and worried I was making a big deal out of nothing, I said yes and made arrangements to get there.
Had my check up and other than my uterus was definitely enlarged (about the size of a 4 month pregnant woman) everything else looked very healthy. Vaginal exam felt normal and I seemed to be healthy. Dr. Brown said there was a good chance I had Uterine Fibroids and the only way they would know for sure was to do an ultrasound. They made an appointment the next day for me to have an ultrasound.
That night I was telling some of the women I serve with in YW about the ultrasound an fibroids. For some reason I started crying. I assumed it was just because I was relieved that my "internet search diagnosis" of ovarian cancer was not going to come true.
February 1:
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