I've Come a Long Way Baby... And No More Nurses and Holes!

Chemo Round #4 has not been too bad -- I've been a bit nauseated (but only have had to take pills a couple of times) and had a few days of some pretty intense aching (mostly bum and hips... go figure).  I've also had really stiff and tight muscles, particularly during the night on my thighs -- which is why I am blogging at 4am.

Dave and I were chatting earlier about how even with chemo, I'm so much healthier (on the outside, just  praying the same for the inside) than I was for the first 3 months.  My sister-in-law commented that for February, March and April I just kind of existed.  I didn't realize it at the time, but as I look back at how I felt, what I was able to do and what I even remember she is definitely right.  

*  No more holes!!!  I haven't had a nurse come to our house for 2 weeks now.  I loved the nurses, but it is so great to shower when I want, get up when I want, come and go when I want and not have holes in my stomach!!  (I now have one of the world's ugliest stomachs, but oh well... bikini modeling was in the cards for me anyway.)

*  I can watch movies.  Until about May I felt so icky the thought of concentrating on a movie, on the couch, with the family was too much.  I remember watching a movie with the kids in April and being so miserable just wanting it to be over.  We watched 17 Miracles for FHE tonight and I sat and relaxed and ate popcorn and didn't have to force myself to watch it.

*  I can play games someplace besides my bed.  I love to play games and Cam has been an anxious opponent since my surgery.  He used to bring a game to my bed and I would try to find a position comfortable enough to partially sit up long enough to play with him.  It was really that last thing I wanted to do, but I wanted to be a normal mom and have some interaction with him.  Now we play inside, outside and I'm the one begging him to play with me.

*  Food sounds good, tastes good and I no longer have to drink high calorie ensure to make sure I'm getting enough calories and vitamins.

*  I can sleep on my stomach.  I can kneel down for family prayer.  I can sit at dinner with the family and not have to go lie down after 5 minutes.

*  I can do a sit up and get out of bed without an effort.  Losing my stomach muscles after surgery and having the holes completely wiped out my stomach muscles.  I actually layed flat on the floor tonight and did a few sit ups.  Seriously never thought I'd do stomach things without major effort again.

*  Drive the speed limit, wear a seatbelt and not cringe over every bump.  Again looking back it seems so strange, but it was such an effort to even be a passenger in the car.  Every bump hurt my infection and when I was actually the driver it took so much concentration and effort that I would find myself driving way under the speed limit and being as cautious as a 90 year old grandma!

*  Stand up straight and not hold my rib cage.  I seriously worried I would be a hunched woman forever.  My muscles were tight and it hurt to stand straight.  My Dr. and Dave kept telling me I had to start standing straight and stretching my muscles, but that dang port just wouldn't let me.  I looked at a picture of me the other day and realized how hunched I really was.

* I can make it through the day being up more than down.  I still have to rest and have a nap or two every day, and I definitely do not have the energy or drive to be doing and moving like I once had, but most of my day is not spent in bed.

I am continually amazed at the human body and its ability to heal and fight.   There were so many times I was so frustrated that I have lived the word of wisdom and taken care of my body my whole life, and yet I felt like I was falling apart.  As I look back I can see that even with set backs, slowly but surely my body is regaining its strength and despite the cancer, the chemo, the infections, my body is relatively strong.  Even with low white blood count and lack of sleep for 5 months I've yet to get sick with a cold, flu or fever ... knock on wood.

I can't wait to look back in several more months and be amazed at how much progress I've made again!