So have you ever not been ready to hit a new stage in life? Except for when my mom died and I was forced to start a new phase of not having a mom and not being a mom, I've always looked forward to what would happen next.
I loved High School, but had dreamed my whole life of heading off to BYU and getting an education. I loved every second of my BYU time, but after graduation I had a job that I loved, had great friends, loved my church calling and met a handsome guy who worked for me... and soon Dave and I began a new phase that I had waited for my whole life.
Like most girls, I had always dreamed of being a mom and for the next 7 years looked forward to, fasted for, prayed for, stressed over and eventually was blessed to start that next phase. (Even during the 7 years of waiting I loved my life. We spent time with my parents/mom before she died, I loved my nieces and nephews (and still do Kelli), we traveled, I had a fulfilling and challenging career and I totally loved the Young Women I worked with.)
I think it might be that I always wanted 5 or 6 kids, and that it felt like forever getting started, but my "hanging out at home" time with my kids has gone way too quickly. I loved my time with just Dave and I, and I loved my time in a professional career -- but nothing compares to the joy and fulfillment I have felt in being a mom.
Lauren is starting Jr. High and with Cam turning 6 and finishing up Kindergarten -- I'm forced to face a phase I'm just not ready for. Don't get me wrong, I love where my kids are right now. I love seeing them progress and grow. I just wanted this stage to last a little longer and to do it with a few more kiddos.
Lots of friends around me are pregnant and maybe I wish I could be in that phase too (ok... if Dave reads this he'll choke or at our age probably even have a heart attack) and two of my college roommates are even starting the Grandparent phase.
It isn't that I'm worried about filling my time next fall, it is just that I love having kids home, reading in our PJs on the couch in the morning, going to the museum, skiing on a weekday by ourselves, having a buddy to shop with or biking/running around the park together.
Cam and I went to the park today and we were the only ones there. He rode his bike around a path and played on the playground as I jogged around. He ran up to me and said something and it hit me "like a ton of bricks." I'm at the closing of what has been a wonderful stage of my life. My eyes were stinging with tears and I could hardly breath (and not from being out of shape).
I don't mean to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I have a great life and I'm grateful for everything about my life. I think it is just going to take me a while to convince myself that I'm ready to be where I am.
After my mom died I had a really hard time. Dave surprised me and bought gave me a darling little puppy in an Easter Basket. Kids... I guess it is time to get a dog.
7 comments:
Steph I know what you mean about wishing for another little one. I don't miss sleepless nights, exhaustion, or poopy diapers but I just love being a mom and don't want it to stop. luv ya
You know you can borrow one of my kids anytime during the day and read and play with them! Get ready, brace yourself, because I'm going to give you a compliment....you really are an amazing mom to your kiddos, they are lucky to have you and mine are lucky to know you. Whether you believe it or not, I've looked to your example many times as I've started my "mom" phase of life. So, thank you! And goodluck with the dog, I won't need to look to your example there because I don't ever plan on having one!
I know it's not the same, but you are a mom to all of the neighborhood kids. In fact, I know my kids would switch houses in a second! You are such a great mom--I'm glad I have you so close as an example to me and my kids!
steph, i'm not gonna lie. i've always looked up to you on how you raise your kids. they are funny, incredibly smart, and you all treat each other like you are best friends. i love how your love for your kids is always oozing from you and dave. thanks for being such good examples to us on how to raise children!
lovED your nieces and nephews? don't you mean LOVE present tense? now i feel like i should say, "thanks for being such a great example to my kids" or "borrow my kids". but i don't have any. but i'll tell you what--when i do have kids you are more than welcome to come play with them during the day before they start school. thanks for being a great aunt! i remember you and jen taking us downtown one time or to the park when kerri and i were little and our mom had to work (is that really why or did she just want to get rid of us? i don't remember). i'll always love you and jen for it!
Yes! A dog! They can heal or least help a hurting heart. But sometimes you get one because you don't think you'll ever get another baby...and well the rest is history!
You're a great mom that has one great family!!
I got so lonely when mine all were in school that sometimes I would go get them out early to come with me to lunch or something. Not being a good mom when I did that! I feel for ya!
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