Only way to sum up everything is pictures!
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Back to School - Fall - Halloween - Where does the Time Go
Ok... I blinked and 3 months of have passed. Kids in 3 schools, Survivors Teaching Students, YW President, working for Matt, trips, trying to be a good friend, neighbor and daughter.
Only way to sum up everything is pictures!
Only way to sum up everything is pictures!
3 Years Ago Today....
Three years ago today I sat in the ultrasound room and could tell by the look on the technicians face my life was changed forever.
Three years ago today I heard the dreaded words "you have Ovarian cancer and it looks like it is very serioius."
Three years ago today I had to come home and we had to talk to the kids about something no parent ever wants to talk about.
Three years ago I was scared to death -- afraid to leave my kids without a mom, afraid of what might lie ahead.
Three years ago my life was turned upside down. I never imagined the physical pain I would go through, the emotional sadness/depression/uncertainty/anxiety I would feel, the complete loss of anything normal and "my life" as I had lived it would come to a complete stop.
Three years ago I wondered if I would be around in three months ... suddenly living to be 50 or seeing Lauren graduate from High School or Cameron get the Priesthood seemed so unlikely.
But three years ago I had no idea how strong my kids and Dave would be. How much love and support I would feel from my family and friends. How much service in time and food and rides and love and prayers and thoughts and acts of kindness would be given. How I would feel closer to my Heavenly Father than I had ever felt before. That the temple, prayers, blessings, scriptures would literally be a lifesaver to me.
I would find a group of friends that were full of diversity but that nasty little word "cancer" would bring us all together and give me the emotional support to keep me going. I'd be presenting to doctors and students and nurses and students and being an advocate for this stuff.
That I could overcome surgery and infections and holes in my stomach and chemo and barfing and gaining and losing weight over and over again. And yet somehow have the energy and health to ski and walk and work out at 6am and chase my kids all over the place and volunteer and be YW President and live a frantic and crazy life again!
Three years ago I had no idea how tough I was. I've changed. Forever. Some things for good, some things not so good. Wish I would have kept all of the good things I learned and not gone back to so many of the things I shouldn't have.
But I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for healing bodies and doctors and nurses and procedures and tests that work. I'm grateful for cancer friends -- who are still here and for those that aren't -- that have given me encouragement and perspective and made me feel not alone. I'm grateful for a husband and kids and family and friends that love me despite me being me.
I try not to project too far out. I'm afraid if I do the sting and slap of a cancer recurrence would be too much to bear. I try not to let this always be lingering in the very back of my mind. But after talking to a friend who is 8 years out from cancer I don't know that I ever will be able to do that. Not with my personality.
So three years later I'm just taking a deep breath, trying to reflect on the good and enjoy this beautiful Sunday morning and look forward to what the next three years will bring.
Three years ago today I heard the dreaded words "you have Ovarian cancer and it looks like it is very serioius."
Three years ago today I had to come home and we had to talk to the kids about something no parent ever wants to talk about.
Three years ago I was scared to death -- afraid to leave my kids without a mom, afraid of what might lie ahead.
Three years ago my life was turned upside down. I never imagined the physical pain I would go through, the emotional sadness/depression/uncertainty/anxiety I would feel, the complete loss of anything normal and "my life" as I had lived it would come to a complete stop.
Three years ago I wondered if I would be around in three months ... suddenly living to be 50 or seeing Lauren graduate from High School or Cameron get the Priesthood seemed so unlikely.
But three years ago I had no idea how strong my kids and Dave would be. How much love and support I would feel from my family and friends. How much service in time and food and rides and love and prayers and thoughts and acts of kindness would be given. How I would feel closer to my Heavenly Father than I had ever felt before. That the temple, prayers, blessings, scriptures would literally be a lifesaver to me.
I would find a group of friends that were full of diversity but that nasty little word "cancer" would bring us all together and give me the emotional support to keep me going. I'd be presenting to doctors and students and nurses and students and being an advocate for this stuff.
That I could overcome surgery and infections and holes in my stomach and chemo and barfing and gaining and losing weight over and over again. And yet somehow have the energy and health to ski and walk and work out at 6am and chase my kids all over the place and volunteer and be YW President and live a frantic and crazy life again!
Three years ago I had no idea how tough I was. I've changed. Forever. Some things for good, some things not so good. Wish I would have kept all of the good things I learned and not gone back to so many of the things I shouldn't have.
But I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for healing bodies and doctors and nurses and procedures and tests that work. I'm grateful for cancer friends -- who are still here and for those that aren't -- that have given me encouragement and perspective and made me feel not alone. I'm grateful for a husband and kids and family and friends that love me despite me being me.
I try not to project too far out. I'm afraid if I do the sting and slap of a cancer recurrence would be too much to bear. I try not to let this always be lingering in the very back of my mind. But after talking to a friend who is 8 years out from cancer I don't know that I ever will be able to do that. Not with my personality.
So three years later I'm just taking a deep breath, trying to reflect on the good and enjoy this beautiful Sunday morning and look forward to what the next three years will bring.
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