A Therapuetic Dream... or My Worst Nightmare?

If you know me very well you know I've been completely stressed/depressed about all 3 of my kids being in school full-time as of yesterday. Also, for the 3 people in the world that have had the most sleepovers with me (mom, Dave and my 6 year roommate Sue), I have very vivid, emotional and bizarre dreams -- that tend to really affect me for good or bad. Last night I added a new dream that is now in my "Top 3 Affect me Dreams."

• #3. In college while dating my 3 year boyfriend/unofficial fiance, I had a horrible dream about him one night and woke up super mad. We were living in two different states at the time and when I called him the next morning to tell him about it we ended up in this huge fight which ended up being the beginning of the end for us.

• #2. After my mom died I wanted her to come back and visit me so badly. I was missed her so much and was really having a hard time. One night while I was asleep she came to me. She was so beautiful. She was far away and got closer and closer. I was so excited. She had finally come back to say another "goodbye" and give me some profound advice that she wasn't allowed to give me on earth. As I started to throw my arms around her she said "Stephanie, you have really bad breath. You need to brush your teeth first." I was devastated and woke up crying. As I thought about it I decided I knew that my mom loved me, she taught me everything she could while she was alive and there really was no reason for her to need to come to me now.

So last night was #1 emotional dream for me. In my dream Cameron and my dad both died. I remember laying on the grass of my front lawn sobbing so uncontrollably that I couldn't even get up. The strange thing was that no one except for me seemed to be really shaken by this. For 3 days I kept trying to call my brother Scott and he wouldn't answer my calls. As I lay on the grass crying my mom was there (I think she was still alive in my dream because I wasn't surprised to see her.) I told her it wasn't fair. I had only had Cam for 6 years and that just wasn't enough time. She assured me that 6 years were perfect for him and that everything was as it should be.

When I woke up and remembered the dream I starting crying... and I have to admit I'm crying typing this again. When I told Dave about the dream his response was "well obviously you are really sad about Cam heading off to school." At breakfast I was telling the kids about my horrible dream and they were kind of laughing at me as I started tearing up again. I told them about my "mom bad breath dream" and that I guess I must think that Cam and my dad are two people that have always needed me a lot, and now that Cam is in 1st grade he is big and old and as he should, he doesn't need me the same way.

Sweet Cam (which is why I miss him so much already) got up and put his arms around me and said "Mom... I'll always need you!" He then just hugged me for a couple of minutes while Kenzi laughed at us.

So... I guess I'll be in tears while I'm at Costco getting copies of "Mockingjay" and I can blame it on the awful dream!!!!

(Funny side note... my sweet friend Lisa texted me yesterday to see how I was doing. I told her I would be ok on Monday, but it was Tuesday I would get depressed. As I was writing this post I started crying again and there was knock at the door. There was Lisa with a bag of decadent chocolate cookies and me in tears. She just laughed at me and said she was hoping if she got to my house earlier enough I wouldn't be in tears yet!!)